I'm so tired

Wake me when it's over.

"Time!", he screeched

frantically, "Time! Time! Time! It's time!"

I don't know what happened to my timer this week. I realized yesterday that it was the 13th but I "felt like" it was the 12th and I can't get back on track. I know today is only Tuesday, but it seems like it's near the end of the week.

I think that's why I seem to be obsessed with time. It's such a fleeting, ephemeral thing that's hard to hold in my mind or hands.

I can't see it, eat it, drink it, touch it, control it. Sure I can see time on a clock, but how do I know the time there is right? I can't tell if it's morning or evening or Tuesday or Saturday by looking at a clock. Not even a digital clock. At least not the digital clocks in my life.

They say what they want and none of them says the same thing. The clock in the bedroom is almost, but not quite, an hour off. So I know approximately that it's almost some time or other and if there's light coming through the blinds it's probably daylight, but sometimes when it's gloomy weather I have to guess.

The sad thing is that I mostly tell time by the television and when they screw with regular programming I don't have a clue.

Ah, that's the thing. She doesn't have a clue.

Hey!

That's all just Hey! How's your momma and them? Everybody in the family doing OK?

Nobody eloped, divorced, strayed, wandered, or looking sideways at somebody else's goody barn? Nobody pregnant that shouldn't oughtter be?

Anybody win the lottery? Or swap the mortgage for a deck of cards?

Nobody's kids missing, kissing, or robbing the liquor store?

Anybody's tomatoes take first prize at the fair or a wet t-shirt contest?

Anybody looking up the judge's robes in the courtroom or behind the courthouse?

Anybody leading the parade or following the horse brigade?

Man, is your family boring or what?

Happy Birthday, America!

It's the Fourth of July today. America's 233rd birthday. Not so very old in the history of time. Do you think she's growing weary yet? It's a tremendous responsibility to be The United States of America, the greatest nation in the world.

I read something today about the digitalizition of politics and I started wondering what George, Tom, John, Ben and the rest would think if they were still around. Would they be saying, "No! No! No! You've got it all wrong!" or would they be smiling, "We did good, boys. We laid a great foundation and look at what they've built on top of it today."

The last sentence of the Declaration of Independence is "And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor."

That's a lot to live up to.

Which way did it go?

Do you remember those cartoons where the characters would repeat over and over Which way did he go? Which way did he go? while running back and forth and around and around? That's my life.

I have been so busy at work this past month that I'm missing everything. Just look:

• I missed my westerns for three days in a row.
• I missed paying the rent by the first day of the month.
• I missed the first day of summer.

About noon yesterday, I suddenly realized it was the first day of July. A little later I thought to myself, " Hey! If it's July first, then summer has already started! When did that happen?"

I like to keep track of the comings and goings of the season. The first day of summer is my favorite day of the year because it's the longest day of the year. Every day after this, until the first day of winter in December, is going to be shorter than the day before. Precious seconds of daylight disappearing every day. It gives me seasonal depression just thinking about it.

If I were president, the longest day of the year would be a national holiday. It would be celebrated by picnics, and swimming, and evening baseball games. Churches could hold sunrise services to start the day. The official song would be "Here comes the sun".

We'll call it the Longest Day of the Year Holiday. (We'd call it Celebrate Summer Solstice but I know some used car lot would be advertising "Salebrate Summer Solstice". And the spokesperson would be somebody who spits when speaking the S sound.)

Don't get astronomical on me and start explaining how the longest day of the year is different depending on where you live. Some places it's before and somedays it's after the Summer Solstice. And some places it's both.

It's simple, we'll all just celebrate on the same day as me. Where ever I am on the longest day of the year, that's the day we celebrate. If I happen to be in San Francisco where legend claims there are 4 equally longest days, we'll just have to celebrate it for 4 days.

Make plans now to celebrate the Longest Day of the Year Holiday 2010 with me.

We've already missed 2009.