If I had to do it over again .........

(1) I'd have been nicer to some people and nastier to others.

I was trying to remember the names of the kids in my 8th grade class the other day. As there were only a little more than a dozen of us, it wasn't all that hard even though it's been a long time ago. I thought about a classmate named Joyce whose parents were migrant farm workers so she would attend our school sporadically. I really hope I was nicer to her than I remember. It's not that I wasn't nice , I'm just not sure I was nice enough. I was probably condescendingly, cursory nice.

On the other hand, I really regret not telling more people where to get off. Maybe that's not my job, but you know they aren't going to learn unless somebody tells them and if not me, then who? You know their mothers need smacked for the lousy jobs they did.

As I get older, I find I'm getting better at being nastier. As a consequence, I occasionally go out of my way to be nice. I hope when I get to heaven's gates, it all evens out.

(2) I would have attended college in my 20's instead of waiting a decade. I can't say I regret becoming a nurse though I really wasn't well suited for the job. The traits that made me a good nurse also made me not a good nurse. But I saved enough lifes, had enough people tell me that I made their illness easier to bear, saw enough eyes light up when I walked into a room in my white uniform that I can't say I regret it. It may not have been good for me, but I'm glad I was there for you.

(3) I'd have been thinner and taller. And I wouldn't have had freckles after the age of 8.

(4) I'd have written down the grace my father and his father said before meals. I always meant to, I just never got around to it and before I knew it, they were gone. After my grandparents were gone, I wrote a poem that mourned their passing. One line said, "How could I not have known you would not last forever?"

(5) I wouldn't have stopped writing poetry. So it wasn't great poetry, it spoke to me. And some lines were music to the ears.

(6) I'd have learned to dance. And play piano and tennis and golf. Pipe dreams - I have no rhythm and I'm uncoordinated to the point of walking into doors. I can't do anything.

(7) I would have learned to keep house. Honestly, I can't clean, dust, iron a shirt, or sew a hem that lasts more than one wearing, and I can't afford a maid to do it for me.

(8) I'd have married a rich man. The only advice I can remember my grandmother giving me was "It's just as easy to love a rich man as a poor one." But I never met a rich man. I'm still looking.

(9) I'd have planned my life. I almost wrote "planned my life better", but I never planned it at all. I just let it happen.

(10) I'd have followed my dreams.
Maybe it's not too late to realize at least one dream. So I can't go work on the Alaskan pipe line, or have a dozen kids (OH THANK GOODNESS!), or complete any of a dozen other ideas I thought were great when I was younger, I can still dream. And to prove it, I'm going to take a nap.