Nothing

I am on vacation this week, doing what I do best. Nothing. It isn't easy to do nothing, but I have been practising for years and now it comes easier to me.

Doing nothing is actually a science when done right. For example, yesterday I spent all morning on the computer looking for a schedule for house cleaning. That way, I could say I was doing house work without actually exerting any energy in that direction.

I watched TV in the afternoon. To do it properly, you plop down on the couch with the remote in one hand and a drink in the other. (My drink of choice is iced tea, but to each their own.) The trick is to see how many shows you can watch simultaneously on one TV. (I have been known to do it on two TV's at once, but that's not for amateurs.)

One of the local Christian stations has family program on in the afternoon. That means shows so old they were re-runs before you were born. Shows like My Three Sons, Lassie, Jeff's Collie (Lassie before it was Lassie), Leave it to Beaver, and westerns. Yes, old fashioned westerns. I only get to watch them when I'm doing nothing.

Yesterday I watched The Lone Ranger. Some people probably think The Lone Ranger ridicules Indians. They should have seen yesterday's show. They were making fun of masked heroes and bad guys. The Lone Ranger (LR), Tonto, and the local sheriff found a dead man on the floor with a pencil clutched in his hand. LR turned him over, spied the pencil, and said "Maybe he was trying to leave us a message." He then begin to look all over, up the walls, on the ceiling, till Tonto pointed out the message on the floor - just where the former clockmaker's hand had been. LR read, "Dover boys did it. Bomb on stage will explode at 9." He looked puzzled until Tonto pointed out, "Maybe it mean 9 am." I swear I saw Tonto roll his eyes. You know he was thinking, "Like, duh, kemo sabe"

LT and the sheriff figured out that the stage left at 7 and it was 8:45 so they'd have to ride hard to catch up. (Heigh-Ho, Silver!) Tonto and LR reached the stage about 8:55, had a gun fight wiht the Dover boys, and stopped the stage, but when they tried to get the passengers off, an old lady got her heel caught in the step and her husband wouldn't leave her. The bad guys were standing on the other side of the hummock watching while Tonto climbed on top of the stage and began throwing luggage off before it exploded. A trunk landed at the feet of one of the Dover's, he looked at it, looked at his brother, looked at the luggage, looked at his brother and began to run. He was too late of course.