Can you bake a cherry pie?

How about a nice chocolate cake?



I started to write a short story here, but it involved dialogue that included the phrase "piece of cake". I got sidetracked.


"Piece of cake" "Easy as pie" These indicate that a task or a job is easy.

What's so simple about a piece of cake or easy about a slice of pie? Obviously, it wasn't a baker who came up with these sayings.

It's not really that hard to make a pie or bake a cake - but I have an electric mixer, an automatic oven, and a timer shaped like an egg. These sayings have been around a long time. Back when you beat a cake by hand, chopped wood for the oven, and timed baked goods by singing hymns.

I found an explanation that sounded reasonable for "piece of cake". It used to be the custom at church fetes and country fairs to have a cake walk contest. You only had to navigate around a circle to play. In one version, you walked in a circle while music played. When the music stopped, the person standing on the winning square won a cake.

But when you think about it, that doesn't sound right unless in some counties, the prize was a piece of cake, not the whole thing.

"Easy as pie" has something to do with an archaic Moiri word 'pai' which means good. That didn't make much sense to me either.

Other sources gave me different origins for these phrases and claimed these expressions were barely 70 - 100 years old.

I came to two conclusions. (1) "Piece of cake" and "Easy as pie" are related; they refer to how pleasurable and easy it is to eat dessert and (2) People make up stuff when they don't know the answers.

Irrational Behavior from Rational Minds

Look what I found !

It's pages and pages of math jokes, like the ones below:




Old mathematicians never die, they just reduce to lowest terms;
Old mathematicians never die, they just disentegrate;
Old mathematicians never die, they just go off on a tangent;
Old mathematicians never die, they just get disarrayed;
Old mathematicians never die, they just become irrational.

Which just goes to show you - math isn't very funny.

Just so you belong somewhere

I have looked for months for fertilizer spikes for my house plants. I couldn't remember where I put them the last time I used them and finally decided I had used them all. So I started looking for them in the stores, but the only thing I could find were giant spikes for trees. The last thing I need is giant house plants.

Yesterday I finally found just what I was looking for. And a good end-of-the-season price. Minutes after I got home, before I could even take them out of the bag, I found 2 packages of the spikes in the plant stand drawer. Right where they belonged.

Which just goes to show you that organization isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Sock it to me

I did laundy the other day and was amazed as I pulled sock after sock after sock out of the washer. Amazed because I wear socks only once or twice a week. I began to wonder how long I had gone without washing a load that included socks or if the washer was finally coughing up all the socks it had been hoarding for the past 10 years.

I did some quick multiplication in my head and calculated that 1 - 2 pair of socks a week comes to 2 to 4 individual socks a week, or 8 to 12, maybe even 15, a month. I know that 15 socks would be 7 1/2 pairs which may seem improbably but there is usually one sock hiding under the bed. Sometimes there are 3 or 5 under the bed, but never an even number.

I usually buy the same brand of sport socks in either black, blue, or white in one of two sizes. I can't figure out why when I pull a handful of socks out of the sock drawer none of them match.

Maybe that's why I'm usually barefoot.


Why did the elephant run around in white socks? He couldn't find his sneakers!

A brunette doing laundry asked her blonde friend to help her find a match for her sock. The blonde replied, "What for? Are you going to set it on fire!"

Did you hear the joke about the gym socks? Well, you don't want to. It stinks!

Make it so.

Have you heard the news about Pluto, Sky Watcher?

Astronomers have voted to strip Pluto of his status as a planet. He's getting demoted because he's too small and too slow, and fails to dominate his orbit. Next thing you know, they'll be calling him ugly, too.

Because this is "big" news, I'm learning a lot more about the former planet. (Since I barely knew it was a planet, don't construe that as bragging.)

Did you know that Pluto was the only planet to be "discovered" by an American? A young Kansas farm boy, Clyde W. Tombaugh, discovered Pluto in 1930 and went on to become a world-renowned star gazer. He died in 1997 at the age of 90.

I mention his death because, in honor of the 100th anniversary of Mr. Tombaugh's birth, NASA's New Horizons spacecraft is carrying a small amount of his ashes into space. It is expected that the ship and Mr. Tombaugh's remains will pass Pluto on July 14, 2015, then continue out of our solar system into interstellar space.

You know I just gotta say it, "Have a good trip, Mr. Tombaugh - to infinity, and beyond!"

Epilogue to a summer's love

He didn't keep his promise. Her heart soared with joy when she recognized the writing on the envelope. She walked slowly into the house from the mailbox, caressing the letter, smiling at it, holding it close to her heart. Trying to will it to feel like him, to make her feel the thrill she did when he had touched her. It almost worked.

She opened it cautiously, prolonging the sweet agony of reading his words. "Hi, how are you? The trip was fine. Wish you would have come." He had begged her address from a mutual friend. No explanation of why he was writing except he missed her. He signed it Love.

They wrote back and forth, at first every few days, then once a month. Over the years the letters came less regularly and she stopped running to the mailbox. When he wrote that he was getting married, he signed the letter "With all my love."

And she smiled to herself in triumph while her heart was drowning in tears.

One of my readers complained that this was a girly story - Welllll, I am a girl. He said it didn't make sense. I can't help it. It's loosely based on a true story, and sometimes life doesn't make much sense.

The end of a summer love

They laughed and made small talk while they waited for the car that would take him away. There were no false promises of "I'll write as soon as I get home" or even the vague "We'll keep in touch." They knew from the first that it wouldn't last forever. That whatever they had, whatever they made, would last no longer than that one summer.

They knew they had no future together and had promised each other that when the time came, it would end, cleanly, maturely. No tears, no half-hearted attempts at maintaining a long distance relationship. They were relieved and disappointed when the car arrived. They kissed good-by one last time and she waved until the car disappeared around the curve.

Then she moved into Barry's arms. He touched her face lightly and whispered, "Are you OK, Babe?"

She tore her eyes from the spot where she had last seen the car and smiled up at him, "I'm fine. I could have gone with him you know, but I chose you."

And her heart filled with tears that she wouldn't cry.

When is not enough, one too many?

Oh, shoot!

I was just checking the Barnes & Noble website for the price of a book I thought I might need when I saw they are having their summer clearance. Prices are reduced up to 80% and even more!

This is great because:

1. I love bargains, and
2. I love books.

This is bad because

1. I love books, and
2. I don't have room for any more.

You know the good out-weights the bad and as I happen to have B&N open on another browser as I type this, I'm just going to run over there for a minute to see what they have. "Just in case" they have something I can't live without

I started with Books for $1.00. The first book on the list was about recreational mathematics. Does that scream "NERD!", or what? (Yes, of course, I'm thinking about getting it.)

Hmmmm. You can get a book of 10 Thanksgiving tattoos for a dollar. My question is, "Why would you want a tatoo of a "whimsically dressed turkey"?"

OK, I'm thru with that area. There was nothing I really wanted in the dollar bin. There's a good reason they haven't sold those turkeys yet.

I'm moving on to the more expensive books now. This is taking longer than a minute so you all just talk amoung yourselves. I'll let you know if I find anything interesting.

It's amazing!

This is my horrorscope for Friday. "Amazing opportunities await in the next few days."

Hmmm, amazing opportunities? On the weekend?

What do you think is more likely?

• I'm offered a job with a 6 figure salary, or I get an opportunity to save 50 cents on 10 cans of cat food (for a cat I don't have)?
• I win an opportunity to travel around the world, or I run out of toilet paper and am forced to travel a mile to the nearest discount store to get a couple of rolls before somebody needs it.
• I have an opportunity to sleep-in on Saturday, or I have to stumble out of bed at the crack of dawn to visit the bathroom?
• I am given a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to watch the premier of an innovative new broadway show ON BROADWAY, or I get to sit on my couch and watch one of the movies I picked up for 50 cents at the used book store last week.
• Opportunity knocks on the door, but I'm sitting on the pot wondering where I put the emergency roll of toilet paper.

Yeah, that's what I think, too. Sitting on the loo.

May all your opportunities this weekend be good ones. One of us should be so lucky.

And in my mind's eye, I ride with 'em in every scene ...

Talking about Westerns. Well, I was even if you weren't. I want to tell you stories about Michael Landon (aka Little Joe Cartwright). He was a frequent guest on the Johnny Carson show which is where I probably heard these stories, but I can't do justice to them. When you read them in print, you don't get to see his smile or hear his laugh.

I loved Michael's laugh. It was from the heart and infectious. He had a great sense of humor and loved to tell funny stories about the cast of Bonanza. Michael also liked poking fun at them.

I once heard him tell a story about the four "Cartwrights" (Lorne Green,Pernell Roberts, Dan Blocker, and Michael Landon)trying to one-up each other when they first began the series. He said none of them knew how to ride when they started, but they each kept picking bigger and bigger horses so they would be sitting taller than the others in the opening scene. When they actually got on the horses, they quickly realized the folly of pride.

A year or two later, I heard Michael tell the same story, but he substituted hats for horses.

One of my favorite stories was about Lorne Greene. Michael claimed that Lorne loved being recognized by fans. If he was out in public and nobody acknowledged him, he would start humming the Ponderosa theme song, louder and louder, until he got the accolades he thought he deserved.

OK, how many of you are now humming along with me? I hope you're not as off key as I am.

Hi Ho Ho Ho

I love watching old Lone Ranger shows. They are so funny.

At the end of each show, somebody doesn't know who the masked man is that has been helping them so somebody else has to say, "Why, that's the Lone Ranger!"

How many people do you suppose ran around the West in a black mask? dressed in tight pants that perfectly matched the tight pullover top? and rode a big white horse with a fancy silver martingale? and had an Indian named Tonto for a best friend?

Were there really so many that you couldn't tell them apart?

Last week I watched an episode about a beautiful senorita and her Irish father on a stage coach. (According to LR, there are/were a lot of Irishmen in Mexico.) LR and Tonto saved them by chasing away the bad guys and stopping the stage. Afterwards they all stood around chatting.

When it came time to get back in the stage, the Lone Ranger shoved the old man out of the way so he could grab Miss Hot Stuff by the elbow & help her up the steps. The old man's lucky he wasn't knocked flat on his back and stepped on in the ranger's rush to get to the lady.

LR! You masked little devil!

Perchance to dream ..... but not of this

Have you seen that commercial for a sleep aid that features Abe Lincoln and a talking beaver? Weird, isn't it?

Want to know something weirder? A couple of years ago I dreamt about that "animal". In my dream, just as in the commercial, it looked like a crazed taxidermist had combined a beaver, a groundhog, and a stuffed toy to make a new kind of rodent.

As most of you know, I used to be a hospital nurse. It was a very demanding, stressful job and when I’m upset about work, I frequently dream that I’m back in the hospital. The dreams border on nightmares and started when I actually was a hospital nurse. Usually, they include a scene where it’s 6:30 in the morning and I’m ready for the next shift to come in so I can go home, when I realize I haven’t passed any medications, checked any IV’s, or even checked on my patients. Frequently, I panic and wake up in a cold sweat.

The dream I'm telling you about though wasn’t quite like that. I was working in a hospital for just one night as a favor to the hospital. I was trying to pass medications, but the patients' med cards were mixed up. I did my best to sort them out and figured out who got what. I was feeling very pleased with myself for being on top of things in a "hosptial dream", for once. Then I went to the med drawer.

It was full of water & yucky stuff so I dumped it into a sink. This furry little animal fell out, sat there looking at me, blinking it’s eyes, and said "Hello". I remember I replied intelligently, “Whu? Duh..?” I looked at the nurse who was sitting across the room and motioned to the creature. She shrugged and said, “Oh, he lives in that drawer”. She wasn't surprised at all that he talked.

I can’t remember much about the dream, but I remember that creature because he was so weird. And then I see him again in a commercial about dreams. Really weird, huh?

Click here if you want to see a picture of the thing.

Explain yourself

One of my readers asked me to write about the difference between reason and excuse. I'm not sure what his reason was, but I tried to make an excuse to get out of doing it.

A reason is "a rational motive for an action" while an excuse is "a justification of behavior".

So reason means you have a good excuse while excuse means you can't come up with a good reason.

It's not work if you do it right

Here are a baker’s dozen job quotes. Some of them are thought provoking, some are funny, and some are too true to be funny, even though they try. Guess which one is my favorite (I'll put the answer at the bottom of the page)

1. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. ~Robert Orben
2. Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties. ~Doug Larson
3. The difference between a job and a career is the difference between forty and sixty hours a week. ~Robert Frost
4. Every job is a self-portrait of the person who does it. Autograph your work with excellence. --Unknown
5. The number one sign you have nothing to do at work: The 4th Division of Paperclips has overrun the Pushpin Infantry and General White-Out has called for a new skirmish. ~Fred Barling, "Humorscope"
6. If a train station is where the train stops, what's a workstation? ~Author Unknown
7. Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren't used to an environment where excellence is expected. – Steve Jobs
8. Researchers at Harvard say that taking a power nap for an hour in the afternoon can totally refresh you. They say that by the time you wake up you'll feel so good, you'll be able to start looking for a new job. ~Jay Leno
9. If you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way. ~Homer Simpson, The Simpsons
10. Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas. ~Paula Poundstone
11. Every job is a self-portrait of the person who does it. Autograph your work with excellence. --Unknown
12. It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I just beat people up --Muhammad Ali
13. Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. --Drew Carey
    
    http://www.quotegarden.com/jobs.html
    http://www.indianchild.com/Quotes/job_quotes.htm
    http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/s/steve_jobs.html

My favorite? I can't decide - Either # 5 or # 13

As days go

I've had a bad day today. I've had worse, but as days go this one sucked. Well, when I stop whining around, maybe the day wasn't that bad.

• It rained right after I watered my flowers, but not too long.
• There was plenty of sunshine (after it stopped raining).
• It wasn't too hot (for August).
• At lunch, I shared a warm brownie sundae with hot fudge sauce. (You really had to eat it fast so the ice cream didn't melt, but then when you share a chocolate covered sundae with Denise you have to eat fast anyway.)
• I didn't quit work though I wanted to and seriously considered it 3 times before 7:30 AM.
• A friend invited me to lunch on Friday.

I guess when I really think about it, the day was more than OK. A day with chocolate and friends can't be that bad.

Hee Haw, Ya'all

A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head.

Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear.

The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket.

It went in one ear and out the udder.

I'm through now - if you want to read any more go to http://www.ahajokes.com

Don't Make A Scene

While I was out driving in the country a few weeks ago, I came upon the scene of a bus accident. It appeared that a bus had come around the corner too fast, missed the turn, and carreened across a field until it was abruptly stopped by a large tree.

There was an old farmer near the bus, leaning on a shovel. There was a fresh mound of dirt behind him.

I stopped the car and yelled out the window, "Looks like a bad accident. Anybody hurt?"

The farmer said, "Quite a few people actually." He pointed to the remains of the bus. "That was a busload of politicians going to a fund raising rally over at the Grange." Then he pointed at the dirt pile, " I just buried 'em there."

I gasped and asked, "All of them? Were they all dead then?"

The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."

Printer Problems

I have been having recurring dreams this week about a personal transport system (PTS) that works something like the Star Trek Transporter and something like Jeanie (of I Dream of Jeanie) crossing her arms and nodding her head.

Saturday morning I dreamt I was reading the instructions for my PTS. Actually I was just at the leafing-through-the-pages-do-I-really-need-to read-this-stage. After all, I'd been using it all week, did I really need instructions? (Don't say it! I admit it. I always read the instructions, just in case. Mostly just in case I can one-up you in the I-know-how-to-do-something-you-can't-do game, but this was a dream and people behave differently in dreams.)

Anyway, before I could get into reading the advanced topics, something intruded on my dream. I knew I was waking up and losing the book, so I started to reach for the Print button, but quickly realized that I couldn't print because I was dreaming.

It took me a few more minutes to realize that dreaming or not, it wouldn't have worked because I'm not hooked up to a printer.

I really gotta get out more.

Beam me up, Scotty!

There's no intelligent life down here.

... Bumper Sticker, blue Ford pick-up

A Real Prize

A few weeks ago (before I got sick), I took a drive out in the country. Being a former country girl, I do this occassionally when I feel homesick. While driving down a dirt road, I saw a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field.

I pulled over to the side of the road and watched a while. It was very hot and I was afraid the old man was having a heat stroke or something. The farmer just continued to stand there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

After about 15 minutes, I got of the car, walked halfway out to the farmer and yelled, "Are you OK?" He ignored me, so I walked further into the field and yelled again, "Mister! Are you OK?"

The farmer turned around and gave a friendly little wave. "I'm fine", he replied, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."

"A Nobel Prize? For what?" I asked.

The farmer gave me one of those looks old men give to nosy, but well-meaning woman, "Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize . . . to people who are out standing in their field."

A rose by any other name

I know you don't care, but I'm still sick. I'm changing my name to Snotty McSnead and only writing slim pamphlets on the benefits of garlic, onions, and thyme to cure the common cold.

I've changed my mind. My name will be Stinkin' Snotty McSnead.

No relation:

• Snotty McFee

No, it's not

I know you didn't ask, but I'm still feeling poorly. Not because I don't have enough money, but because I have the worst cold I've had in a couple of years. The way I feel now I think I may have it until after the first frost.

The amount of snot a cold sufferer can produce in one day always amazes me. I tried to find a study that actually measured the mucous output to see if it was only a couple of tablespoons or a couple of cups (as I suspect), but I couldn't locate one. I have no idea how one would go about measuring snot or I would do it myself.

While looking for that information, I found several sites that offered "proven" remedies for cold. One suggested increasing your intake of garlic and onions. Not only will that help you feel better, it may decrease the spread of cold germs by keeping people at a safe distance from you.