HAPPY NEW YEAR!

May 2012 bring you blessings of health, happiness, and plenty.

Are You Ready?

It's almost 2012.  Seems like only a year ago or maybe a century ago that it was December 30, 2000 and we were waiting for the year 2001.  We were yearning to fully embrace the 21st century.

We're well into the new century now and it hasn't disappointed on one front.  Cellphones, computer tablets, cars that park themselves, motion controlled video games - just a few examples of the modern toys that are now commonplace and taken for granted, but were unheard of in 1912.  That were science fiction in 1962, just over halfway through the 20th century. 

Feared diseases that were incurable in 1912?   Many are now completely curable, most are preventable, some have been eradicated.  Organ, skin, toes, hands, and even face transplants are almost ordinary occurrences.  Plastic surgery can lift you up and do you over so even your own mother wouldn't recognize you.

Can you imagine what will be in 2062?

On another front, what was then is still now.  Wars, conflicts, riots.  What happened to the promise of peace?  Why does it seem like governments are still stuck in the past?

And still another side of progress.  The rules for morality aren't as clear as they used to be.  It's confusing to people of my generation.  We can't understand how attitudes changed that much in one lifetime.  We're happy that there is more tolerance now, but sometimes we think it goes too far.  Some actions should still be intolerable.

And what about how the economy has changed?  Don't get me started!  It seems worse now, but that leaves room for improvement.

When I typed "Are you ready", I was planning to discuss new year resolutions.  I don't know how I got off topic after the first sentence.   I haven't really said much here.  Each of these topics are too broad to cover in one blog post, but it will give you something profound to discuss by the office water cooler or coffee pot on Tuesday morning.  In 2012.

Merry Christmas!

Hope you all are having a wonderful Christmas!  Which would mean that you didn't have time to read this on Christmas day.

I set off my first smoke alarm of the day about an hour ago.  I was just browning the pork roast before I threw it in the crock pot.  Nothing was on fire or smoking.  Hope I didn't wake anybody up, but since it's Christmas morning they should have been up anyway?  Right?

I have breakfast baking in the oven and it's taking forever to get done.  Dinner won't be till later this afternoon instead of at noon so I'm having a breakfast casserole.  On ordinary days I eat lunch at 11 so by the time the roast and everything is done, I'll be starving. 

We're not having a white Christmas this year which is OK with me.  I don't like the idea of everybody driving all over the place in the snow.  Especially when they're full of eggnog, if you know what I mean.

I've got Christmas carols playing while I work and write this morning.  I realized this year that I have an odd assortment of holiday CD's.  Something for everyone, from jazz to classics to country to what-in-the-world-is-that.   Kind of like Christmas dinner with the family.

Christmas 2011

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

Luke 2:11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.

Cooking for Christmas

I'm changing my Christmas menu hourly. 

I was going to have apple pie and pumpkin pie, but the recipe made two pumpkin pies so I decided to have applesauce instead of apple pie.  Yesterday, I changed the slaw to sauteed cabbage and crossed off the green beans, but I may reverse that later today.   I wanted mashed potatoes and oyster stuffing but they don't really go with the main course, Cranberry Pork Roast, so they're out now. 

I was going to have Raspberry Lemonade but I was too tired to carry it home from the store.

One of the reasons I decided to have applesauce instead of pie was because I bought 8 pounds of Fuji apples on sale this week.  I thought to myself when I saw them, "Fuji apples make good apple pie."  but when I Googled, several sites said they were too mushy for apple pie.  However, I just stirred the applesauce which has cooked twice as long as the recipe said and the apple slices are still holding their shape very well.  I had to use a potato masher to break them up.  It's a good thing I'm partial to chunky applesauce.  I still have half the apples left and since I was right I may make an Apple Slab Pie after all.  Because I'm partial to apple pie too.

Speaking of Googling, did you see Google today?  Push the right buttons and you'll see a light display while Jingle Bells play.

Christmas Music

We got a little silly at work last week discussing Christmas music when I mentioned that I hadn't heard "Walking 'round in Women's Underwear" this year.  It wasn't a complaint, just a comment.  I think the only reason I even thought of it was because I'd heard "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" that morning on the drive to work.

Much to their credit, nobody else at work had even heard of the underwear song before.

Here's  a catchy little wintertime ditty you may not have heard before, but you can share it with your co-workers, children, or even your grandma without blushing: "I Wanna Be a Snowman, but I'm Just a Flake" by Caspar Babypants.  And guess what?  You can download the whole song for nothing!

It's about time

This post is about time again.  I woke up this morning and realized that Christmas is next Sunday.  Having written that, I checked the calendar to make sure because it's hard to believe this month is almost over.

I'm counting down the months till spring and I can almost mark this month off the list.  I know that Spring doesn't really come in March, but it's the hint of spring, the any-day-now-it's-coming feeling that helps me make it through the rest of winter.

I know that some of you love winter.  You like the snow, and the crisp air, and ice skating and all that stuff.  I know. 

I like a little snow, a little bite in the air, the thrill of doing a couple of 360's on the sidewalk when one's careless foot hits that one patch of ice.  I think the sun is brighter in the winter.  When it shines. 

And it's shining right now.  It was supposed to rain today but I don't think the sun will allow that.  An early Christmas present to me!

I was thinking

I can't remember about what, but it was pretty interesting.  And it's not even Tuesday.

A New Policy

I have a new policy.  When I access a web site and get an immediate pop-up of any kind I close the page and move on.  You know what if mean.  They usually say things like:

• Thanks for visiting. Want to take a survey?
• Thanks for visiting. Want to rent some movies?
• We're a great site. Want to sign up for some great annoying email?
• LOOK AT ME! I can make annoying pop-up boxes!

Erma Bombeck Writing Competition

The Erma Bombeck Writing Competition begins January 3, 2012 and ends at 7:30 AM, EST, February 14, 2012, so don't procrastinate. 

Here are some facts about the competition:

• The competition is held every two years.
• It is open to almost everyone in the world.
• It is sponsored by the Washington Centerville Public Library and the University of Dayton (Ohio).
• There are four categories: Humor (Global and Local) and Human Interest (Global and Local)
• There is a $500 prize for the winner in each category.
• There's a $15 entry fee.
• In 2010 there were only 651 entries.

For official information on eligibility, rules, and entering, check out the competition page at the Washington Centerville Public Library website.

Here are 5 facts about Ohio native Erma Bombeck:

• She was funny.
• As an American humorist, Erma Bombeck wrote nationally syndicated newspaper columns, magazine articles, and 15 books about suburban home life.
• She was a TV personality, contributing regularly to ABC's Good Morning America as well as being a popular guest on many talk shows.
• She was criticized by conservatives for her vocal support of the Equal Rights Amendment for Women.
• She was married and had 3 children, 1 girl and 2 boys.

Here are 10 quotes attributed to Erma Bombeck:

• There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
• The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again.
• Seize the moment. Think of all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.
• A child needs your love more when he deserves it least.
• There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
• It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
• Housework can kill you if done right.
• When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.
• Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
• When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.'

Passion

As I write this I'm listening to a PhotoShelter webinar Focus on Your Passion  with Tim Mantoani and Allen Murabayashi.  It's about passion and photography, but Mr. Mantoani made one point I want to share with you.  You can work for money or you can make money by following your passion.

Some people would say this is stupid advice.   Their advice is to get a stable job with a decent salary.

Here's some advice from somebody who wishes she'd paid attention years ago: If you spend all your time dreaming, you'll never know if you can be successful following your dream.

As I see it you've got three choices:

1. Keep your job and endure it.  A bad job can kill you. Literally, it will suck the life and soul right out of your body.  But if you're not willing to change, stop your whining and just do it.  And, for heaven's sake, do it well.
2. Keep your day job. Be sensible.  Some people can dive head first into change, but others are more cautious. If security is important to you, keep your day job while you do research, get training, practice, try some part-time work in your future field. and save your money.  Don't wait for an opportunity to move into your chosen field, make the opportunity.  And don't wait forever - Ms. Ever may not make it. 
3. Go for it!  If you don't mind living on the edge (or in your car) just do it. 

Do or do not, there is no try.... Yoda

 Watch the video if you get the chance, even if you're not into photography. 

 

Sleeping on my feet, or seat

I've had trouble sleeping the last 3 or 4 nights.   I've been napping in the daytime and up half the night.  I don't even know what day it is.  I know it 8:30 in the morning because there's a clock in front of me and I see light between the blinds in the window to my right.  I think it's Sunday but it might be Saturday. 

The TV show I usually watch on Saturday nights wasn't on last night.  I think it was because PBS was having one of their bi-monthly "interrupt the programming programs" or maybe it was another of their too frequent fund raising events.  Or maybe it was because it was Friday night.

I need to find out what day it is by tomorrow morning.  It will either be a day to go to work or not.  I prefer "not". 

Something Different

I had a nice Thanksgiving dinner with the usual turkey, dressing, and mashed potatoes, but we tried some different things this year that turned out pretty good.  I make horrible dressing (or stuffing, if you prefer), but this year I made it in a Crockpot and it turned out pretty good.  We also had Green Beans with Cranberries and Tropical Sweet Potatoes.  I also made Amish Pickled Beets and they were excellent.

These are the recipes in case you are interested.  They'll serve 2 or 3 people with leftovers.  I'm not a great cook and I don't follow recipes very well, but these dishes all turned out very good. 

Slow Cooker Dressing for a 1 1/2 quart CrockPot

 

6 cups cubed bread (You can cut it into cubes or just tear it with your fingers into about 1" pieces. It's about 10 - 12 slices of bread, more or less)

1/4 cup butter
1/2 cup chopped onion
1/2 cup chopped celery
1 teaspoon dried sage
1 teaspoon poultry seasoning
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 - 3/4 teaspoon salt (depends on how salty the broth is)
1 egg, beaten
2 - 2 1/2 cups broth, AS NEEDED (depends on how dry the bread is)

1. Put bread in large bowl. 
2. Melt butter in skillet.  Add onions and celery.  Saute till just tender.   Add to bread cubes
3. Add seasonings.
4. Add 1 cup broth and beaten egg.  (don't add hot broth with the egg or you'll cook the egg)
5. Grease the slow cooker pot, then spoon in the dressing.
6. Stir every couple of hours or so and add more broth as needed - depends on how moist or dry you like it. (I like my dressing moist which is why I don't like it cooked in the oven.) 

The directions said: Cook on High for 45 minutes, then reduce heat to Low, and cook for 4 to 8 hours, but I wasn't using the adjustable Crock-pot so I cooked it about 3 hours, then put it into a greased dish and stuck it in the oven for 20 minutes while the turkey rested.  It could have stayed in the crock pot, but I had added a little too much broth.

I liked the consistency and flavor of this, but it needed more sage - I added more sage but it didn't help so I think it's the sage I have.  Also I didn't have any celery and it needed some.  Some of the recipes called for chopped fresh parsley, cooked sausage, or raisins.  I think I may make it with oysters next time. 

Green Beans with Cranberries

1 can green beans (14 - 16 oz)
2 tablespoons dried cranberries
1/8 - 1/4 teaspoon grated orange rind
1 or 2 tablespoons fried bacon pieces (the real stuff, not artificial - Hormel & Oscar Myers are good brands to try if you don't want to fry up your own)

Simmer on stove about 10 minutes (more or less).  Serves 2 or 3, depending on what else you're having.

The original recipes I saw called for frozen or fresh green beans (I don't like frozen green beans and I didn't have fresh) and a tablespoon of honey (which I didn't have - I could have substituted a little brown sugar but I just left out the sweetener altogether).  This dish had an unexpected flavor, which was quite good and I'll make it again.  It would be a lovely Christmas dish.  You could add a 1 or 2 tablespoons slivered almonds or chopped walnuts just before serving if you're feeling a little nutty.

Tropical Sweet Potatoes

2 - 4 sweet potatoes, depending on size (about 1/2 pound per person)
1 can Tropical Fruit or Tropical Fruit Salad with juice
1 tablespoon butter
1 tablespoon brown sugar
1/2 tablespoon corn starch
2 - 4 tablespoons sweetened flaked or shredded coconut
Miniature marshmallows.

1. Cook sweet potatoes as desired just until fork tender (baked, microwaved, or boiled)  Peel and slice in 1 inch slices when cool enough to handle.  Place in greased baking dish,
2. Pour fruit and juices into a pan with butter, brown sugar, and corn starch (you may not need all of the fruit - depends on how you like it and how many sweet potatoes you cooked.  Add more or less butter, sugar, and cornstarch to suit yourself.  Cook and stir until it boils and thickens.  Pour over sweet potatoes.
3. Sprinkle coconut and marshmallows on top.
4. Bake at 325 - 350 degrees for 15 - 20 minutes until coconut and marshmallows are browned to your liking.

I don't particularly like overly sweet casseroles made with mashed sweet potatoes so I usually make pineapple and sweet potatoes (a recipe I created after having Jamaican sweet potatoes at the farmer's market in Nashville, TN), but I was inadvertently out of pineapple so I used the tropical fruit and I had just happened to buy coconut for the first time in a long time so I decided to add that.  The coconut and sweet potato combination is really good. 

You can:

• leave out the marshmallows if you like; I only used them because it was Thanksgiving and people expect them on their sweet potatoes. 
• omit the coconut   If you aren't using coconut or marshmallows, there's not need to put them in the oven.  Just put sweet potatoes in pan with fruit and sauce to heat. 
• add some pecans to the coconut if you want.  That sounds good. 
• use pineapple only, if you prefer
• add a little cinnamon or ginger or Bourbon or rum
• use canned sweet potatoes
• add 1/4 - 1/2 cup pineapple or orange juice with 1/4 - 1/2 tablespoon cornstarch if you want more sauce.

Some Other Recipes:
Gayle Wagner's Slow Cooker Stuffing
Busy Cooks Traditional Crockpot Stuffing
Food.com's Crockpot Cornbread Dressing
Food.com's Homemade Poultry Seasoning

Betty Crocker's Holiday Beans and Cranberries
OSU Green Beans, Cranberries, and Nuts

Taste of Home Pineapple Coconut Potatoes

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

In the United States, Thanksgiving Day is celebrated on the fourth Thursday in November. Historically, we like to say it was first celebrated by the Pilgrims in 1621, but they called it a Harvest Festival.  It is a day to be with family and friends, to eat a big dinner (turkey and pumpkin pie are traditional), and to give thanks. 

I hope all you have many blessings for which to be thankful.  I know that sometimes it's hard to see them between the trials and tribulations of everyday life so take time today to remember the people that bless your world.  And find an opportunity between now and the new year to tell them so.

Readers, even though we've never met, you're a part of my life and I thank you for reading the words I write.  You bless my world.

Bless: to confer happiness, well-being, or prosperity upon; to make better
Blessing: a person or thing that promotes happiness, well-being or prosperity; a person or thing who enriches your life

How to observe Thanksgiving

Count your blessings instead of your crosses;

Count your gains instead of your losses.

Count your joys instead of your woes;

Count your friends instead of your foes.

Count your smiles instead of your tears;

Count your courage instead of your fears.

Count your full years instead of your lean;

Count your kind deeds instead of your mean.

Count your health instead of your wealth;

Count on God instead of yourself.

~~Author Unknown~~

What's up?

Have you heard about the protest by a Target employee who wants to spend Thanksgiving with his family, not getting ready to work a midnight shift?  (Target is opening at midnight Thursday to get a jump on Black Friday.)

I can understand why Target feels the need to start the mad Black Friday sales earlier than ever when another large discount company is also starting at midnight and another one is open on Thanksgiving day. 

I used to work in a hospital so I know there are some people who have to work on Thanksgiving.  It's not about making money, it's about the needs of other people.

That being said, I support Seth's protest.  (I wouldn't go into a store on Black Friday if they were giving the stuff away so it's rather easy for me to say that.) 

The workers of this country need to unite and stand up for themselves before the fat cats of corporate America take away everything - our 40 hour weeks, weekends off, paid holidays, paid vacations and reasonably priced health insurance.  Have you noticed the erosion of workers' rights in the past few decades?  It's time it stopped. 

Go, Seth, go!

The B word

I work with two project managers at the Dumass Company that are bullies (that's the B word for today but the one you were thinking I meant would also be appropriate.)  They successfully intimidate younger, less experienced staff.  Me - they just annoy, irritate, tick off, frustrate, get up my nose, and make me cuss like a drunken sailor.

Thankfully, I don't actually work with them like they are my team mates or like they are in my office, but I'm in meetings and on projects with them way more than I would like and for some reason the occasions have increased dramatically this year.  Maybe because the nice project manager moved on to other things.  (He probably couldn't stand to work with them either.)

Unfortunately, they aren't even in the same state as me.  I don't know where they are located, but it's not in my state.  We're known for being nice and they wouldn't fit in.

It might help if they were located closer to the office.  I think it's easier to face down a bully face-to-face if you know what I mean.  When one tries to put a bully in her place via email, it's often the victim who just ends up looking snarky.  If we were in the same state, I'd jump in my little Ford and hunt them down.  I mean I'd go speak to them personally - personnally and firmly, but politely.  More or less politely.

I don't know why I always have to be the polite one.

Misplaced, displaced, out of place

Today is my nephew's birthday.  His 42nd birthday.  Dang, is he getting old, or what?  One of my nieces had a birthday at the end of October and another one will be another year older at the end of this month.
Another nephew had a birthday a few days after mine last month and almost two weeks after his uncle's. And my oldest brother will be having a birthday in 3 days.

Everybody's getting older. 

Maybe that explains why when I look in the mirror some days it's not me looking back.  It's a reflection of  the kind of face that makes you say, "That face looks familiar, but I just can't place it."  

11/11/11

Veteran's Day

Today let us honor the men and women who have served our country and the world in the Armed Forces.  Pray for our veterans and their families as you pray for an end to the evils that create the need for wars. 

Tonight's the night.

Saturday, November 4th. 

Tonight's the night that time goes back to natural time and we won't have artificial (DST)  time again till next spring. 

My inner clock is vacillating between "oh,whoopee" and WHOOPEE!

For at least a week, probably a month, babies and old ladies are going to be crankier than usual.

Deal with it.

(I bet you thought I forgot, didn't you?  I remembered, it's just that I got distracted re-setting all the clocks and forgot to post this.)

Today's Topic Is........

We have a choice of topics today.
1) Old people
2) The Dumassers that work for the Dumass Company

We'll start with # 1 and see how far that gets us.  Tip: you might want to fix a plate of cheese and crackers at this point because there's going to be a lot of whine before we get done here.

Old people,

Let's start with Andy Rooney who died Friday night at the age of 92 just a month after he retired. I don't usually watch "60 Minutes".  I think they have a slant to their shows that sometimes is more entertainment than truth.  However, I made a point to watch Mr. Rooney's last broadcast.   I think his 90 was the same as some people's 60. 

Let's move on to the old people that were at Kroger's Saturday morning.  Most of them probably don't have jobs. (They were older than even me.)  Why were they shopping on a Saturday?  The sales last all week.  They should go on Tuesday afternoon when I'm at work.  But if they have to go shopping on the weekend, here are some rules they should follow to make the shopping experience more satisfying for all of us:

1. Don't stop in front of the door to ponder the wonders of the universe. 
2. Don't stop in front of the carts to check your coupons.
3. Don't leave your cart in the middle of the aisle. Especially if you're going to walk to the end of the aisle, pick up a can of beans, walk back to your cart, and then push it past the bean cans. 
4. If you want to spend 5 or 10 minutes deciding on red beans or kidney beans, no problem.  Just don't park your cart in the middle of the aisle.
5. Don't park your cart in the middle of the aisle with your purse gaping wide open.  (At your age you should know better.)
6. Don't try the pumpkin eggnog if they're giving out free samples.

Now we can discuss my favorite old person - ME!

I feel my age more than I should.  I have more aches and pains, more windiness, poorer vision, increased timidity, and I think my teeth just slipped saying timidity even though I don't wear dentures. I wheeze like a pack-a-day-smoker even though I haven't smoked 1/2 pack in my entire life.
Heaven knows I'm crankier and grouchier than I use to be so it's probably a self-defense mechanism that I'm more timid.  If I said what I was thinking half the time, I'd probably get decked a fourth of the time. 

I kicked a box in the dark Thursday night and my right knee bent backwards (more or less, mostly less).  I thought I might not be able to walk Friday, but it was fine.  However, my left leg started bothering me more than usual, then by the time I left work, the right knee was hurting and it's hurting today.  I think it's swollen and tender.  Of course, it could be tender because I keep pressing it to see if it's swollen.  The worst part is that I'm not sure which leg I'm supposed to limp on.

Well, girls and boys, we're not going to make it to the second topic today.  I have got to go get something to eat to get this pumpkin eggnog taste out of my mouth.

We're cooking now!

I just put my supper in the oven - a chicken, portabella mushroom, penne pasta casserole.  It won't be done for 30 - 60 minutes but I'm hungry now.  It's almost 8 o'clock and actually I'm very hungry.  I'll just have to wait.   I didn't get home till 6:30 so I'm lucky to have a casserole in the oven before eight.

Have you seen those articles and recipes that say "Only 20 minutes to put this 7 course meal on the table!"  or "prep time only 5 minutes". 

Who are they kidding?  It takes me at least 20 minutes to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and slap it on a paper plate.  Takes me 2 more days to do the dishes.

Yeah! It's Friday!

Is it just me or are work weeks getting longer?  They seem to last a week and a half instead of just five day.  Maybe it's because I'm getting old.  Maybe it's because it's winter and I want to hibernate like an old bear.  Maybe it's just because I work for the Dumass Company and they aren't much fun.

I've been singing that little ditty all week that goes "Every night when I go home, I drink a glass of vodka, I mix it with a fifth of gin, and Pop goes the weasel."  One of these nights I'm going to stop singing and start drinkin'.

Ummmmm

I'm making Barbecued Beef Ribs for Two from a Taste of Home recipe.  I mostly followed the recipe except I'm making it in a slow cooker.  It smells so good I don't think I can wait for it to be done.  I boiled the beef first because it was frozen so it might be done by now even though it's only been in the Crock-pot for 3 or 4 hours.

Update: They were done and the ribs were almost as good as they smelled.  The sauce was mild, not too sweet or too tart.  I had thinned the sauce with beef broth so the Crock-pot would be easier to clean and that probably toned it down a little, but it was still very good and very easy to make. 

But, alas, I only had enough ribs for half a recipe so there are no leftovers.

I've Given Up TV

That's right, I've given up watching TV. 

At least until I find the remote control or get another TV. 

1) I kicked the remote out of bed the other night.  It must have been in the night, but I don't know what night and I don't know where it went.  I don't even know where to start looking.  It could have gone behind the bed, under the bed, in the closet, behind the dresser, into the book case, or be stuck in a shoe.  I just know it's not where I can see it.

2) I know what you're saying.  You could just manually control the TV.  You didn't always have a remote control.  Well, it's not the TV control I'm missing.  That remote doesn't work anymore anyway.  It's the remote to the box that I have to use for my 12 year old TV that's not set up for HDTV or whatever they call it that makes the TV not work anymore that's supposed to be so wonderful but is just a big fat pain in my big fat derriere.  The box doesn't seem to even have an on/off switch.

3) I know it seems a little drastic to buy a new TV just because I can't find the remote, but see # 2. I hate to throw out a perfectly good TV and I loved that little Memorex, but I think in TV years it must be nearly 100 years old and it's time it retired.

Update 10/22/11: Good news!  At least for me - you probably could care less.  I found my remote. 

Incomprehensible

Are you familiar with the expression?  "What a maroon!"

A woman I work with uses it occasionally.  Bugs Bunny used it often.  I heard a guy use it on an old television show I watched last night.  It means a fool, a stupid person, a real dumbass.

Another woman we work said she had never heard that expression till I used it one day. 

When I said "as the crow flies" during a meeting about ZIP codes, the same woman laughed.  She thought I'd made it up.  Out of the 5 people in the conference room, only 2 of us knew it was a common expression.

I can understand how someone might not be familiar with "What a maroon" if they aren't familiar with Bugs Bunny cartoons (poor, deprived things), but "as the crow flies"? 

That idiom is still in common use.  Google the term.  Read any Internet article about a "Great Circle Distance Formula" and it will probably use that term.  Any site that provides a distance calculator probably tells you the miles are "as the crow flies".   There are several blogs with that title.  There are at least 15 books on Amazon.com and 5 songs on Youtube.com with "As the Crow Flies" in the title.  There are at least 2 plays by that name.  There's even a hair salon called "As the Crowe Flies" (the owner's name is Crowe).

I don't understand how college graduates have never heard the expression "as the crow flies." 

But then I don't understand heavy metal music either.

Hacking

I should be writing something witty, or helpful, or inspiring.  But I'm not.  I'm sick so leave me alone. 

Yea or Nay

Did you ever see that cartoon where one side of Congress was filled with elephants and the other with donkeys and when one side would chorus "We accept it" the other side would reply "We reject it"?

This isn't like that.

Re my post of October 5th on Occupy Wall Street.

OK, kids, check out this NPR editorial Are You Among the 99%?  and give them your opinion by clicking Yes or No to the question, "Even if you might not want to join the Occupy Wall Street movement, are you among the "99 percent" who are upset about the way things are going?"  (Right now 95% of the people who voted say YES!)

Then you can answer the question Do 'Occupy Wall Street' Protests Represent Your Views of the Economy? at FoxNews.com.  (Right now 84% of the people who voted say NO!)

So we can agree it's broke - but not who broke it.

Make a New Plan

Do you remember I said I was going to make a retirement plan but the only thing I got planned was to make a retirement plan?

Well, I finally did it.  It needs some tweaking - more action items to do so I know what I'm doing, but it's not bad, even if I do say so myself.  Every retirement plan I saw concentrated on financial planning, but I wanted to plan the living part.  Finances are a big part of living in America, especially in retirement, and it greatly influences the living part, but it's not everything.  So I made my own plan based on a Business Plan. 

I suggest you start your plan now so I'm including the outline here.  Tweak it so it works for you.  I have a nice cover page with a picture of a red gate and the title "My Retirement Plan".  You can use a picture of yourself or family, your favorite pet, your house or the house you want.   If you don't like my mission statement, change it (there's no reason it should work for you just because it works for me.) If you have a partner who'll be sharing retirement with you make it a joint Plan - use "our" instead of "my".

Mission Statement
My retirement will be spent in pursuing my own interests, maintaining an active and healthy lifestyle, and contributing positively to my neighborhood.  If work is available, I will continue to work in order to supplement my savings, pensions, and social security income, but only if the job supports my physical and mental health.

My Retirement Team
Include yourself, your partner, your relatives (if you want), friends, neighbors, church, insurance agent - it's your team include who you want - list names - addresses and other contact information are optional

Goals and Objectives
List your goals and objectives for retirement.  Do you want to start a new career?  Learn to play the drums?  Do as little as possible?  Write it down.  Re-visit it every few months or years, depending on your age, and change it.

Opportunities
This is related to Goals and Objectives, but not the same.  List what you'll have opportunities to do that you didn't have before.  After retirement you may have time to read more.  Loaf more.  Spoil the grandkids.  Pursue a hobby.

Location
Where do you want to live in retirement?  My plan says "Undecided", but I really should have a general area in mind.  Or at least the attributes of the place where I want to spend my retirement.  (There's no law that says I have to stay there when I get there.)

Key Issues
These are Issues that will affect your retirement.  What's going to hinder your retirement?  Unless one is filthy rich, one's issues should always include finances.  Other issues might be health, boredom,  or lack of mental stimulation.

Financial Plan
I said it was a big part of retirement so you have to face it sometimes.  How well you plan your finances now will affect the execution of the rest of the plan when the time comes.  The hard part for me is not knowing how many years to plan for.  It would be easier financially if I knew when I was going to die.  If I knew that I was only going to live just a few more years, I'd retire tomorrow and have a good ol' time, but I can't afford to live to be over 100 without cutting some corners.

For this part of the plan, start out with a paragraph of your general financial philosophy. 
Then prepare two tables, one for the Projected Monthly Income and one for the Projected Monthly Expenses. These will need to be updated as you get closer to retirement and know where you'll live and what you'll be doing.  There are many budget templates on the Internet.  Pick one you like and tweak it to suit your own needs.  Remember these are estimated projections, but do the best you can at the estimates. 

You can easily find budget spreadsheet templates on-line and tweak it to suit yourself.  For example, you can get help in building one from W.I.F.E. (Women's Institute for Financial Education); Microsoft Office  has several budget templates if you have an Office application or suite as does Open Office; and About.com has several.  Do a Google search to find others if you don't like those.

Pre-Retirement Preparations
This is a list of what you need to do to make your plan work.  It will vary greatly depending on your age.  The first thing you might want to put is Save Money or Build a Retirement Fund if you're still young enough to do that.  Be specific - determine how large your retirement fund should be and how your going to get there - Save 10% of my earnings before I spend a dime, Set up a 401(K), Be nice to my parents and make sure I stay in the will.  You should add Make a Will and Make a Living Will, and you might want to add Pre-funeral Planning. 

One of mine is Get Healthy - retirement isn't easy for sissies so I want to be in "fighting form" before it starts.

Wall Street Protests

I've been telling my friends and family for a long time that we need a people's movement in the United States.  Because it's going to take a whole bunch of us united together to convince the money grubbing, blood sucking, arrogant "fat cats", the "tall boots", the [expletive deleted] executives with their inflated self-worth and their million dollar salaries and bonuses that it's got to stop. 

I think the movement has started.

I have been reading about the Wall Street protesters and the Occupy Wall Street and Occupy Boston movements, but I haven't been able to find out exactly what they hope to accomplish. I'm not the only one confused  about the protesters' goals, but I do have a clue.

I know they want to call attention to the high unemployment.  The rich getting richer while the rest of us get kicked around.  Workers getting laid off even as executives get multi-million dollar bonuses.  People losing their homes because they were misled by greedy money-lenders.  Kids with diplomas and dreams who fear they have no future.  Senior citizens who are afraid their money will run out before their lives do.

I don't think it's a political movement in so far as pitting Democrats and Republicans. It shouldn't be.  It's more about the haves vs the have-nots.  Ten percent (10%) of the population owns 70% of the money; one percent (1%) owns 40% of the money.  That doesn't leave much for the rest of us to share.

Maybe the protesters just want us all to realize that we are "the people of the United States" and we deserve to be heard. 

People, are you listening?  Are you speaking out?

Wall Street, are you listening?  Are you paying attention?

Congress are you listening?  Or do we have to fire you before you can hear?

Memories of Dr. Jahn

At work the other day we discussed Home Health Agency and what Home Health Agency nurses do.  And I was thinking about that conversation this morning and back when I was a HH nurse and suddenly I remembered Dr. Jahn.

HH nurses give report on their patients to the patients attending physicians and Dr. Jahn was my favorite long before I switched back to hospital nursing and got to meet him face to face.  Usually when I would call a doctor's office to report on a patient, a nurse or other staff member would take the report, but Dr. Jahn always insisted on taking the reports himself.  He was genuinely concerned and caring about his patients and was nice to the nurses, too.

Maybe it was because he came from a different time.  When I first met him he was over 70 yet still working as an orthopedic surgeon.  His patients loved him.  The anesthesiologists said he was slowing down and taking longer than other docs during surgery, but they still said he was the best.  The nurses respected him.

Dr. Jahn had only 2 flaws.  He didn't write legibly and he smoked the worst smelling cigars in the world. 

He claimed he wrote the way the did on purpose so nobody could read what he wrote.  I learned to read it and often had to decipher it for one of his colleagues (whose own penmanship was just as atrocious so I often had to decipher his reports for Dr. Jahn.)

Dr. Jahn's cigars smelled like burning chicken feathers.  Really, they did.  A long time ago, people could smoke in hospitals.  Doctors could even smoke in the nursing station.  Dr. Jahn had no problem lighting one of his ill-smelling cigars no matter how much we protested.  (But we never really did, because we liked Dr. Jahn.)  Anyway, one evening shortly after he lit up, a new orderly came running into the nurses' station claiming that a pillow was on fire but he couldn't find it.  He could only smell it.  As soon as I calmed him down, I introduced him to Dr. Jahn and his cigars.  Dr. Jahn didn't think it was as funny as I did.

I'm sharing

I used to use that word "sharing" sarcastically because I had a manager who wanted us to "share" everything.  She couldn't say, "Tell us about that project."  It had to be "Would you share with us what you are doing with that project?"  Maybe I'm just selfish, but I hated "sharing" in that context.  I'd tell you what I was doing, how the project was going, where is was going, but I didn't want to "share".  I'd gladly "share" the project if you wanted to "share" some of the work.  Like I said, I'm not selfish. 

Anyway, I want to share a tip with you that I learned this week.  You may already know it, but I didn't and it saved me a bunch of money and embarrassment.

Friday I worked through my lunch so left work a half hour early at 5:30.  When I got to the parking lot my car wouldn't start.  The key wouldn't budge the ignition switch one iota of an inch. 

I tried jiggling the steering wheel but it wouldn't move either. 

I tried jiggling the gear shift, but it wouldn't budge.  I couldn't even depress the little button to make it jiggle.

I tried reading the manual that came with the car.  Nothing.

I tried called my service rep at the car dealer.  No answer.

I tried everything above again.  Still nothing.

I called AAA to get some help.  Two rings and I got an answer.  She promised to send a truck out right away but added, "Did you try stepping on the brake pedal, moving the steering wheel about a quarter of an inch, then trying the key?"

No, I hadn't done that.  I'm not co-ordinated enough to do all that and talk on the phone either.  So I laid the phone down, stepped on the brake, the steering wheel moved, the key turned the ignition, and the engine roared to life! 

All I had to do was step on the brake to make the car go.  I didn't know that.

So I'm sharing this tip with you just in case you are as uninformed as I.

And to the lady at AAA.  THANKS, again!  No, really, I can't thank you enough.

Sometimes patience is it's own reward.

For the past year, I've been looking all over for a coffee scoop because they hold 2 tablespoons or 1/8 cup and my 1/8 cup measuring cup has seen much better days. It was one of a set of very cheap measuring utensils of which I have 2 left.  The others were discarded because they weren't very accurate. 

Anyway, I needed another 1/8 cup measuring cup.  I know I could just use a tablespoon twice, but once you've seen how handy 1/8 cup is, well - you'll never want to go back, will you?  And it's impossible to find a 1/8 cup measuring cup without investing a sizable chunk of change.  So I thought I'd just get a coffee scoop.  How hard could that be, right?

Nobody in this town sells coffee scoops or maybe I, not being a coffee drinker, just didn't know where to look, but I couldn't find one.  I could order one on-line, but they cost $10 or more.  For one little coffee scoop! 

Well, I'm too cheap to pay that so I kept looking and looking and I finally found not one, but two!  This is where the story gets good for all you frugalistics out there.  I paid $1.00 for 2 scoops at the Dollar Tree.  And they accurately measure 2 tablespoon.

So now I have one in my flour tin because flour is what I usually measure out 1/8 cup at a time and a spare for everything else.

Here's a recipe that uses my new measuring scoop.

Basic white sauce:

1.  Melt 2 tablespoons of butter over low heat in a heavy saucepan,
2. Stir 2 tablespoons (1 coffee scoop) of flour and 1/4 teaspoon salt into the melted butter.
3. Cook over low heat, stirring, for about 1 minute, or up to 4 or 5 minutes if you have the patience (which I don't). Cooking for this length of time will minimize 'flour' taste.
4. Take the pot off the stove and slowly add 1 cup of cold milk, stirring constantly.  (A little whisk works better than a fork or a spoon but you may need the spoon to get the flour/butter mixture out of the curve at the bottom of the pan, if you know what I mean.  And the milk doesn't have to be refrigerator cold, just not hot.  And you can use broth instead of milk, but your sauce will be thinner.)
5. Put the pan back on the stove and keep stirring while it comes to a simmer. 
6. Then keep stirring while it simmers until smooth and thickened, at least a minute.  (I sometimes put half the milk in the pot and heat the other half in the microwave while I stir the pot on the stove because I measure the milk with a Pyrex measuring cup that goes in the microwave.  Then I add the hot milk to the pan and the milk heats up faster and I don't have to stand and stir as long because I hate that job.)

To make cheese sauce, add about 1/4 cup shredded Cheddar cheese after step 6, stirring until mostly melted. 

Either sauce can be used to make casseroles like scalloped potatoes, or creamed peas, or as gravy over potatoes or rice, or over scrambled eggs, or over creamy enchiladas. 

You can freeze it and re-heat in the microwave.  If you have any left.  Which you won't.

In the news

News briefs - in case you missed them. 

I think you know how I feel about the money-grubbing, self-important, soulless executives in modern corporate America.  I'm just saying.  It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with the next paragraph.

On-line articles I've read have indicated that it's the HP board one should blame.  So besides the  money-grubbing, self-important, soulless executives in modern corporate America we can add  money-grubbing, self-important, soulless executives in modern corporate boards to the proverbial dart board.

Anyway.  The Hewlett Packard CEO, Leo Apotheker, was asked to resign after an 11 month tenure. Can you call that a "tenure"? He got over $25,000,000 on his way out the door. Who but an over-paid executive would get $25,000,000 as a bonus for doing a lousy job? I bet the HP employees don't even get $25 this Christmas for doing a good job.

And another subject. A little out-of-this-world.  Space crap will be falling out of the skies this weekend between 11 p.m. Friday and 3 a.m. Saturday, EST.  NASA and others want to assure you that there is very little danger of it falling on your head.  Odds are it will fall in the water.  Hopefully not in my bathtub.

 If we're lucky, it will land on some money-grubbing, self-important, soulless executives attending a board meeting on a yacht.

It's Time to Stop

This will be short.  It could be quite long, but this month many others have spoken of this more eloquently, more passionately than I.

Troy Davis was executed in Georgia September 21, 2011. I do not approve of capital punishment. The number one reason is that no man should have the right to take another man's life.   This case highlights the other reason: it's too hard to prove a man's guilt beyond a shadow of a doubt. 

The death penalty should be abolished.  America has no right to object to human rights violations in other countries while we are guilty of our own abuses.  We should be leading the world to a better place, not dragging it down to hell's level.

Goofing off

I'm supposed to be doing something important and grown-up right now.  I should have done it yesterday, but I got sidetracked.  I could have done it this morning, but I found other things to do.

I suppose I will get to it eventually.  I always do.  And I'm hardly ever late.  Unless I forget.
And we all know my rememberer isn't the newest model on the block.

Sometimes I think it's wore out.  I've learned a lot of stuff over the years and there's only so much room in one memory bank.  Even if you make a withdrawal, it's only the interest going out.  The initial deposit never leaves. 

Ham or Cheese

There are little voices carrying on little conversations in my head much of the day.  As I frequently hear them in that twilight time between asleep and awake, morning and evening, I assume they are chattering away all night as well.  For the most part I ignore them.  They don't speak to me, I don't speak to them.  But occasionally one of them says something so funny or so profound that it attracts my attention.  And then sometimes ....

I don't know why this still bothers me, but I just can't seem to let it go.  A couple of weeks ago while I was working on a computer project, one of the women said, in a rather snide voice, "At least this time he brought sandwiches."

What?  What?  Who brought sandwiches?  and why?  Are they having a picnic in my head?  Is it party time and I wasn't invited?

I hate being left out of things.

Not today, boys, I have a headache

What do you say when you have nothing to say?
When every day is like the day before and the next day will be the same?
When you wake up one morning and realize that's it's too late to follow the plan you never made?

The beginning of guilt

I watched an episode of Wagon Train this morning about a mother with a past history as a saloon hussy.  They never called her a hussy on the show.  They never called her anything.  They just danced around the truth.  I think because she was a mother they were trying to be nice about it.

They never said, but the viewer was given the impression that she had to do 'whateve it took' as a "saloon hussy" to make enough money to feed her son and handicapped husband.  When she got tired of taking care of her husband, she stopped helping him live.  That's what she called it.

In trying to teach her son, Matthew, to be a strong man, she tried to teach him that love was bad.  That a "real man" would take but never give, would never cry, would never grieve.  When their horses were attacked by a wounded mountain lion, the boy shot at the lion but hit his beloved dog, Happy.  The mother tried to make Matthew shoot the dog to put it out of its misery, and when he wouldn't do it, she killed the dog herself.  This stirred up a turmoil in the boy's mind as well as his heart.

There was a philosopher on the train who was intrigued by the mother and son.  He felt the pain that they both harbored without knowing the cause of it.  In one scene he discussed the wounding and killing of the dog with the boy.  Whose fault was it that the dog died?  The mother killed the dog, but the boy wounded it, he wouldn't have wounded it if the dog hadn't tried to protect the horses from the mountain lion, the lion wouldn't have attacked the horses if someone or something hadn't wounded it first. 

Only God knows where the guilt begins.

What Day Is It?

This is my third day of vacation and already I've forgotten what day it is.  I had to look at the calendar to see if it was Sunday or Monday.  (Just in case you don't know either, it's Monday.)

Luckily I don't have anything planned specifically, I mean for a specific time.  There are things I want to do, but I don't have to do them today or tomorrow or even the next day.  So I don't have to know what day it is till it's the day I need to return to work.

And I'm not going to think about that till tomorrow.

Whenever that is.

What I learned from watching westerns

I like watching western TV shows and old movies.  Except for the violence.  That bothers me sometimes.  But I read once that watching TV violence helps purge people of their innate violent tendencies.  I also read that it encourages people to act on those tendencies.  

I like to think that westerns offset their violence with redeeming qualities that teach people valuable life-lessons.  Here are a dozen plus one lessons I've learned from Westerns that can be applied to the more modern world, in one way or another, if you just think about them in the right way.

1. Work hard, play hard.  It's the real cowboy way.
2. Take care of your horse, and your horse will take care of you.
3. Just about anybody can be a hero.
4. Accept and respect those who are different from you
5. Don't tolerate bigotry, dishonesty, or cruelty.
6. Don't lie, cheat, or steal.
7. Nobody likes a back-shooter.
8. Make friends with the sheriff, the minister (or pastor or priest), the store keeper, the bartender (or cook), and the school marm. And the stable hand, and the street urchin, and the town drunk, and the banker. And the ranch foreman, the ranch owner's daughter, the ranch owner's son, and the ranch owner. And the wagon master, the Indian scout, and the Indians. And the lady that runs the boarding house and the hotel clerk.
9. Know when to be kind and gentle, and when to get tough.
10. Don't draw a weapon if you don't intend to use it. And don't say anything you aren't prepared to back up.
11. If somebody is shooting at you, DUCK! Before you shoot back, before you stop to see who's shooting at you - for heaven sakes, DUCK!
12. Good guys don't always win, but they're always winners.
13. And never, ever get engaged to a Cartwright.

Zero Robotics

When I was growing up, girls in my neck of the woods never got to do fun stuff.  They were discouraged from taking math and science classes and from having ambitions to be anything but nurses, secretaries, or teachers.   Now, I have nothing against those occupations.  I was a practicing nurse myself for 20 years, I wouldn't be where I am today without teachers, and I always say if you want to know something, ask the secretary (or administrative assistant now-a-days) because they know as much or more than the boss.

What I'm saying is that girls should have had the opportunity to be anything they wanted to be.  There shouldn't have been a limit on their talents, intelligence, ambitions, and contributions.  And the sad truth is that sometimes in the United States it hasn't got any better.  When I was in high school in 1968, I was one of 2 girls in the senior math class.  When I graduated from college in 1990 with a degree in math I was frequently the only woman in the math and computer classes.  That was 20 years ago and I really hope it's changed, but I still see a lot of young women who's only ambition is to have a baby and a boyfriend.   And that's OK with their mothers.

A lot of brain power is wasted by not encouraging girls to take advantage of their intelligence.

That's why I'm telling you about a competition called Zero Robotics Zero Robotics.  (Yes I got on my soap box before I got around to telling you about it, but "Girl Power" is a subject near and dear to my heart.)

"Zero Robotics is a student competition [run by MIT and NASA] that takes "arena robotics" to new heights, literally. The robots are miniature satellites called SPHERES, and the finals are aboard the International Space Station!"

This looks like so much fun, but I'll never know.  It's too late for me.  So I'm encouraging you to pass this information on to girls and boys in high school (but especially tell the girls).  Even if they don't participate in the competition it might inspire them to learn and enjoy more math and science. 

Send them here: http://zerorobotics.mit.edu/index.php/zr2011 for more information on the 2011 competition.  It may be too late for them to get involved in this year's competition, but if they start now they'll be ready for 2012!

My Plate

Did you know the USDA's Food Pyramid was now a Plate?  How much more appropriate!  Actually, it's My Plate.  I learned about it from the  Tough and Bluff blog of which I wrote yesterday.  

According to the web site, "MyPlate is the "new generation" food icon to prompt consumers to think differntly about their food choices.  ChooseMyPlate.gov  contains a wealth of resources based on the 2010 Dietary Guidelines for Americans to help individuals meet nutrient and calorie needs and make positive eating choices."

Check it out and don't miss the breakfast desert, Rise and Shine Cobbler.

Click Here

Sometimes I click on the Next Blog button at the top of the blog just to see what I can see.  There is some kind of algorithm that selects which blogs you see, and I don't have any idea what the algorithm uses to decide what would interest me.

Some days I only get blogs written in other languages.  I can't read any other language but English, but sometimes they have interesting pictures.

One time it was mommy blogs with a lot of twins and even a set of quadruplets. 

Today it was food related.  I enjoyed Food Fight, and next there was Tough and Buff , which had a picture of a little girl catching chickens (which I did a lot of when I was a little girl and lived on a chicken farm), and then one on spicy Indian food with complicated looking recipes but I won't give you a link to that one because the host irritated me in more ways than one.

The Next Blog, Dee Happy World, was about the Lion King Musical and had nothing to do with food, but coincidentally was simultaneously written in two languages.

And so 2 more hours have passed without one minute of housework getting done. 

I am soooooo good at not doing housework.

Now I see it

Now you don't.

I drove my invisible car to work and back home again today and have most of the week.  Like the Emperor's New Clothes to the Emperor, it's not invisible to me - I can see it, touch it, hear it, wonder if it's ever going to rain enough to wash the dust off it.  But ...

And it's a big but  (Hey, I just got that!)

To other drivers, my car must be invisible and when I'm riding it, I myself can not be seen.  Why else would people make right turns at stop lights in front of my moving car?  Every day?  Several times a day?

Sometimes I'm tempted to speed down the highway in my invisible car.  If I could only see the faces of the state troopers who clocked an invisible vehicle going 90 miles an hour.

Lunch Time

One day at work last week, during our lunch somebody said they never understood why we Hoosiers ate peanut butter sandwiches with chili.  I know why.  It was on the school lunch menu rotation. (Makes me wonder now about the source of protein in the chili which I thought contained ground meat, beans, and macaroni.)

She went on to say that she always ate grilled cheese sandwiches with tomato soup.  (Well, yes, doesn't everybody?)  Then she said her family always served soup with Ritz crackers, never saltines.  And she probably still does that today.   To that I say, "To each, their own."  Even when they are wrong.  (Actually, I eat whatever cracker is in the house.  I'm not bound by rules like "That's the way we always did it.")   And speaking of wrong, she prefers that watery tomato soup when everybody knows creamy is better.

Then another luncher asked if we'd ever had peanut butter, banana, and mayonnaise sandwiches.  She said they were better than they sound.

I eat peanut butter and banana sandwiches, but I'd never put mayonnaise on them.  I also like peanut butter and raisin sandwiches.  Did you know that to make a proper peanut butter and jelly sandwich you should mix the jelly and peanut butter before you spread them on buttered bread?

I like peanut butter and bologna sandwiches.  A treat from my childhood (i.e., twenties) that I'd almost forgotten about, I had one last weekend for supper.  Usually I have mayonnaise, lettuce, and potato chips on my bologna sandwiches. 

Somebody mentioned fried bologna sandwiches.  We used to have them sometimes when I was much younger, but now it's too much trouble to wash the skillet. 

I usually buy bologna to make Bologna Salad Sandwich Spread, but I eat the bologna before I get it made.  Here's a recipe for bologna salad sandwich spread.  The measurements aren't exact but start with the lesser amounts and then keep adding till it's the way you like it.   Makes about 6 - 8 cups and keeps about 5 days in the refrigerator.

Bologna Salad Sandwich Spread

1 to 1 1/2 pounds bologna
4 - 6 hard boiled eggs
6 sweet pickles (enough to make about 1/4 - 1/2 cup when chopped, or use pickle relish)
1 tablespoon mustard (more or less)
1/2 - 1 cup mayonnaise or salad dressing

Grind the bologna, eggs, and pickles coarsely with a meat grinder (or use a food processor, making sure you don't over-process).  Mix all the ingredients together, chill, and serve on bread or crackers.

Some people like to add about 1/4 small onion to the bologna when grinding it up. 
Some prefer dill pickles to sweet pickles.
You can add about 1 pound of cheddar cheese to the grinder also, and omit the eggs or not.
Some people don't use any mustard.

Some people think they are too good to eat bologna or peanut butter.  I say, "To each, their own".  Even if they are wrong.

Just How Dumb Can One Person Be - Part 3

Dumb enough to get fired, at least.

I'm still not sure just how deep dumb can go, but apparently even the Dumass Corporation has a limit because this week they fired the subject of Just How Dumb Can One Person Be, Parts 1 and 2.

Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living.

The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

                                                     ... Mark Twain

GW?

I'm always having to ask the young woman sitting at the desk next to mine at work what the text messages mean that the L. A. kids send to me in instant messages.

That's because we old people have our own language:

ATD -at the doctor.
BFF -best friend fell.
BTW -bring the wheelchair.
BYOT -bring your own teeth.
FWIW -forgot where I was.
GGPBL -gotta go, pacemaker battery low.
GHA -got heartburn again.
IMHO -is my hearing aid on?
LMDO -laughing my dentures out.
OMMR -on my massage recliner.
TTYL -talk to you louder!
ROFLACGU -rolling on floor laughing and can't get up.

Ocean Breezes

I started this blog to practice exercises when I was taking writing classes.  I have this scene in my head, from a dream, that I want to write about, but I can't get the words right.

She stood on the pier watching the sun set over the ocean, ignoring the man who leaned against the railing a few feet from her.  Tom watched her, ignoring the ocean.  The sadness in his eyes gave him a stern, almost hard look, but the sadness was for her, not himself.

"The ocean breeze is cool tonight," he said.

"I told you to bring a jacket," she replied, continuing to stare at the ocean.

"I wasn't thinking of myself.  I thought you might be cold."

"I'm fine.  I brought a jacket."

"I thought you might be warmer with my arms around you,"  he said gently, almost too quietly for her to hear.

Tom turned toward the ocean and listened to the waves murmuring on the beach below them. 

"The ocean breeze is cool tonight," she said without taking her eyes from the now dark horizon.

Sometimes

Sometimes I look  in the mirror and I see a set of old, tired eyes staring back at me,
Trying to remember where all the years went,
Wondering when the fun left, wondering what happened to me.

Sometimes I walk down the street and I hear the creak of old bones,
Trying to remember where the paths once went,
Feeling the pain in over-used joints, feeling like an old lady joke, live on the streets.

Sometimes I wait to go to bed till after midnight, not to put off going to sleep,
Trying to put off having to wake.
Ignoring the empty space at my side, ignoring the silence in the morning noise.

And sometimes I just write really, really bad prose.

Keep smiling

I have been watching westerns again.  (Or still as you prefer.)

Right now I'm on a Laramie kick.  One of my all time favorites.  The first TV show I ever saw in color.  It was beautiful.

Even when I was a little girl I recognized Jess's charms, but I never noticed before that Slim has the most kissable looking lips.    (He was too old for me then and too young for me now.  Age is a funny thing.)

Slim and Jess almost make me wish I had lived back then.  When men were men and ladies were treated with respect - even when they were baking bread, scrubbing floors, toting water, bearing children without anesthetic, riding on buckboards without padded seats, milking cows, and fighting off the elements.  It was a hard life for women, but I think in the west (the west I know from TV and movies), women were more appreciated than they were in the east.  Their tenderness, their strengths - both were appreciated and valued.

I think I could do all the things women had to do back then and still be smiling at the end of the day especially if I had a good man at my side (said with a western accent).  But --- I couldn't do without a shower and a flush toilet.  I used to go camping a lot when I was younger so I've gone without hot showers and flush toilets for several days at a time.  But I didn't do it with a smile.

Happy trails to you, until we meet again.
Happy trails to you, keep smilin' until then.
Who cares about the clouds when we're together?
Just sing a song and bring the sunny weather.
Happy trails to you, 'till we meet again.

by Dale Evans Rogers

And the complaining continues

I have a lot to complain about.  Doesn't mean I'm not grateful for my blessings.  One of my blessings is that I have a lot to complain about.

This heat is terrible.  I'm not used to daily 90 - 100 degrees heat and I don't like it.  I am truly grateful that I have central air conditioning and that I can afford to run it.   I worry about the people who don't and can't or won't. 

I'm still ill.  I have a cough and a wheeze that just won't go away.  They are getting better but about once a day a coughing spasm hits, bruising my ribs, and wearing me out.  I stayed home from work yesterday as I just didn't feel right.  My scalp hurt and I felt dauncy.

I don't think I mentioned that the stupid jerk at work is also arrogant and obnoxious.   He's also a bully.  Some of the younger staff have indicated that they find some of his emails overly-aggressive and that they make them uncomfortable and uneasy.   Management is aware of this, but claim they can't fire him and they haven't disciplined him so it continues.   Nobody should have to work in an office where they feel afraid.  I'm not smart enough to be afraid of bullies in the workplace.  Afraid I'll get so apoplectic that I'll have a stroke, but I'm not afraid of him.

There's three complaints.  Probably more than enough, but I could go on.  There's always daylight saving time.  It's already beginning to inconvenience me this summer.   There's always other co-workers.  They all irritate me.  (I irritate myself sometimes, so that's no big feat.)

Just How Dumb Can One Person Be? - Part 2

Give me another few weeks and I may just be able to answer that question.

The guy I talked about Thursday was even stupider on Friday.  This man is supposed to be a college graduate with experience in the work we do.  (He may have experience, but it's not with work - that seems quite foreign to him.)

Anyway, Friday he asked me how I validated a report in April because he had a problem with the validation for Wednesday's report.   I thought it would help him do the job if he actually tried to think of a solution himself so I asked him what analysis he attempted or considered before asking for help.  His reply was that he did the same thing he did in April (which obviously didn't work in April or I wouldn't have had to do the validation for him then.)

So I asked him "specifically what analysis did you do today?". 

His reply was that I never revealed what I did in April.   (He cc'd the manager in that email so she could see how mean I was being to him.   Two stupids in one email.)

So I forwarded the email that I had sent to him in April outlining the steps I took then, but explained that the problems might not be the same so the solution might not be the same.  I added that analysts often needed to think outside the box to find the appropriate solutions

Then I stopped what I was doing and did the validation for him (because I knew he couldn't/wouldn't do it) and sent it to him in an email.  I included 2 tables and 2 charts.  All had brief explanations indicating what they showed.   I did not specifically say "This is the validation" because I thought he should be able to draw his own conclusions.

(Let me say here that he took two 20 - 30 minutes breaks before 10 then went to lunch at 11.)

The validation report is supposed to be sent before 11 AM on the second business day after the report date, so shortly after twelve o'clock I asked if it had been sent.  His reply was convoluted, rather nonsensical, and included the phrase "thinking outside the box", but did not answer the question.

So I asked, "Does this mean Yes, the report was sent or No, the report was not sent"

I didn't get a reply to that email, but about 3 he replied to the first email explaining that he had looked at historical data but couldn't find any from July 2010.  He indicated that I probably knew where it was but was hiding it from him.  Then he reported that the report was definitely not validated.  (I have no idea what historical data from July 2010 had to do with validating the report.)

So I replied simply, "I validated it in the email I sent you at 10:30.  Send the validation report now."

In reply he sent me and the manager a snippy little email saying I had not validated anything because I used the phrase "may be related to the holiday" in the first paragraph and may is not conclusive.  He included a snippet of my email in his message to prove his point, but failed to notice the rest of the sentence (though he included it in his email): "The increase may be related to the holiday ... But I did not stop my analysis and research there".  Apparently, he also didn't notice the tables and two large charts that summarized the additional work I did. 

Also apparently, it's against the rules at the Dumass Corporation to fire people for stupidity and laziness.  I'm guessing it will only be a short time before he's promoted to management.

Just how dumb can one person be?

I'm still sick with a hacking cough.  It's not as frequent as it was and I think I've stopped startling the neighbors at all times of the night and day, but I'm sill not 100% well.

Anyway, that's not what I wanted to complain about today.  I'm old. I always have some kind of ailment somewhere to complain about.  Usually more than one.  Which reminds me I still have a pain in my back and down my leg from picking up that greeting card last month.  By the way, I finally sent it today to the high school grad for whom it was bought.  I was beginning to wonder if she'd get it before she graduated college.

Anyway, just how dumb can one person be?  I work with one of the dumbest people I've ever had the displeasure of working with.  He probably has at least an average IQ.  He just doesn't bother to use any of it. 

He complained yesterday that he couldn't understand or remember how to complete one of our forms that he has been using for a month.  Last night I stayed late at the office and created a "cheat sheet" for him that explained where you could find the information requested on each line of the form. 

I wasn't expecting a nice little thank you for my hard work in creating the "cheat sheet", but he sent me an email this morning that made me want to cry.  I wanted to cry because it's against the law to smack co-workers up side the back of the head for stupidity.  No matter how stupid they are.

He asked me about the email I sent with an update to the form and wanted to know which report he was supposed to update, X or Y.

1. In the first place, how could he think "cheat sheet" was synonymous with "update"?   Please, somebody, anybody explain that to me.
2. The reports he referred to were not X or Y, but A and Z.  Actually, X and Y aren't reports but a data system (X is the same thing as Y).
3. You can get reports from X/Y but they have nothing to do with the form in question.  
4. Reports A and Z can be used to complete the form, but not update it.  Nor can you use the form to update the reports.
5. Report A is obsolete and he was told to stop using it on June 23 and use report Z.  So actually you would only use report Z to complete the form.  

Anyway, that was just the morning stupidity.  He had more as the day wore on. 

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former. ~ Albert Einstein

July 4th

I still have a cold and a hacking cough that attacks at odd and inopportune moments so I've been spending the holiday weekend doing as little as possible.  Sometimes I sat at the computer and sometimes I watched TV.  And in between times I napped. 

Saturday, I watched several episodes of the British comedy As Time Goes By.  I like this series not just because it's funny and well acted, but because I can relate to it.  It's about an older couple who met when the woman was a young nurse and the man was a young soldier.  They met, fell madly in love for the 3 months they were together, he went to the Korean war, and they didn't see each other again for 38 years.  Then they met, fell back in love, and are living happily ever after.

When I was a young nurse I met a young Brit, a student not a soldier, and we spent 3 months one summer falling in love.  Then he went home to England, I went home to Indiana, and we never had a chance to fall out of love if that was what we were falling in to.

In the TV series, Lionel wrote Jean a letter as soon as he reached Korea, but it was never delivered so she thought he had forgotten her even as his boat sailed off into the sunset.  In my life, my Brit and knew the end of summer would be the end of "us" so we promised each other that we would have a wonderful summer, we wouldn't fall in love, we'd have no expectations of forever after.   There'd be no letters to write, none to read, none to wait for.  We didn't even exchange addresses or phone numbers.  We were so modern, so hip, so mature.

My Brit was more resourceful than  Jean's.  He got my address from a mutual friend and wrote to me.  I wrote back and for ten years we corresponded from one side of the world to the other.  One year he wrote and told me he was getting married.  He signed the letter, "With all my love".   A few years later he wrote me that they had a son.  And gradually the letters stopped.  I don't remember who wrote the last letter.  I was moving from state to state and town to town around that time and maybe he wrote a letter that never arrived.  Maybe I forgot to send him a new address.  Doesn't really matter.  It was time.

Anyway, 39 years ago an American woman and an Englishman celebrated the 4th of July together.  I can't help but wonder if we'll ever meet again, if the next chapter will mirror As Time Goes By. 

Whereever you are, my forever young Brit, I just want to say one more time, Thanks for a wonderful summer.  The kind of summer every young woman should have at least once so she'll have something to remember fondly when time goes by.

Writer's Camp

July 1st was the first day of Camp NaNoWriMo .   It's not too late if you want to go to camp with me this summer.  As a matter of fact, I just arrived today.

"Camp NaNoWriMo?  What's that?" I hear you ask inquisitively.

Camp NaNoWriMo is a camp-themed version of National Novel Writing Month.

"What's National Novel Writing Month?"  I hear you whine annoyingly.

According to the NaNoWriMo web site, "National Novel Writing Month is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel writing. Participants begin writing on November 1. The goal is to write a 50,000 word, (approximately 175 page) novel by 11:59:59, November 30."   It started with only 21 writers in 1999, but last year grew to 200,500 participants from around the world.  Check out their What is NaNoWriMo page for more information.

Which brings us back to your first question: What is Camp NaNoWriMo?

Camp NaNoWriMo is a free online camp that provides "support, tracking tools, and hard deadline to help you write the rough draft of your novel in a month."  This is the first year of Camp NaNoWriMo so you could be a pathfinder if you attend this year.   (Pathfinder - that's a camp word.)

This camping experience is on-line so you don't need to worry about mosquitoes, labeling your underwear, or the quality of the 'bug juice" (another camp term).  And, yes, I said it's free.  They do ask you for donations and to participate in fundraisers, but neither are mandatory in any way.   However, you will, of course, want to buy a souvenir t-shirt. 

"Writer's Camp" "Writer's cramp"  That's a play on words.  Get it?

I still have a cold

It's lingering on and on like a bad habit.   The good thing about it is that I sound sick - I'm still coughing and hacking so my voice is very hoarse.  People at work have been offering to do work for me and being all solicitous. 

I've been pulling the "I'm an old lady" card every time I get the chance for several years now, but most of my co-workers just ignore it.  Maybe I shouldn't have started in my 40's.  Anyway, now they feel sorry for me. 

Maybe it's because I don't get sick very often, but I'm an old lady all the time. 

Complaining

It's what old ladies do best.

I have a cold.  (That's complaint # 1.)

I finally felt well enough to go to the store to buy some cough medicine yesterday.  I had to show my driver's license to buy it which irritated me for several reasons.   One reason is that the law says you have to show ID to buy dextromethorphan if you're under 18.  Trust me, I look like I'm closer to 118 than I do 18.

I bought the wrong cough medicine.  I can't take dextromethorphan. 

Look!  I got 3 complaints out of one incident.  I think that's enough for one post.

Somebody's Hero

I picked up a story on Fox News this morning about a fellow blogger, 15 year old Alice Pyne from England. Alice seems very upbeat for a 15 year old girl with a hazy future.

Alice has Hodgkin's lymphoma, has had for 4 years, and it's getting worse. Her blog lists some of the items on her "bucket list", a list of things she'd like to do in her life time.  She knows that there is a strong possibility that she will never have an opportunity to achieve some them, but that doesn't stop her from dreaming and planning and living.

The top item on her bucket list is "To make everyone sign up to be a bone marrow donor".  I'm too old to donate now, so I'm passing her message on to you.  If you're interested in saving lives, learn more about becoming a bone marrow donor at www.getswabbed.org.   How often do you get a chance to be somebody's hero?

The Wrong Side

Sometimes I feel like I slid down the wrong side of the hill and have to climb back up.  Sometimes it's because I haven't grown up yet and did something stupid and sometimes it's because I'm old and my body isn't able to sit on the top of a hill. 

Shoot, today I can barely prop myself up against the side of the hill much less climb to the top and sit there.  It all started when I was picking out a card at Hallmark Saturday and "injured" my back or hip or both.  (You know you're getting old when lifting a greeting card causes bodily injury.) 

And before you smart alecks ask, No, it wasn't a get well card.

National Doughnut Day

Yeah!  It's National Donut Day. 

How did I not know this before?  The internet is so educational!  In case you hadn't heard, the first Friday in June is National Doughnut Day.  And it has been since 1938.

Read more about it on the Salvation Army Blog.  Why Salvation Army?  I'm glad you asked.

The holiday began with the Salvation Army as a salute to the women who handed out doughnuts to World War I and World War II soldiers.   The story goes that "doughnut Lassies" often made the doughnuts in their helmets and used wine bottles as rolling pins.  Legend says that doughnuts were practically unheard of in the United States until the "doughboys"  came home yearning for more doughnuts.

Celebrate by having a doughnut and donating to The Salvation Army.