That's Why I Always Carry a Flashlight

A new "reality" TV show premiered last week, and is returning for another episode tonight. Called Dating in the Dark, the show gives participants - 3 men, 3 woman - an opportunity to become acquainted with each other in complete darkness. After a few days of blind dating (get it? blind date), snuggling, and whatever, they get to chose whom they'd like to see in the light.

My comments:

1. Now does that sound stupid or what?
2. I think I saw a cartoon like that once, and the female went screaming from the building when the man was revealed. Or maybe it was vice-versa.
3. How can you have an hour show about 6 people in a totally dark room? Just how long can one sit and stare at a blank screen listening to couples snog? Wasn't that called radio?

Pull my finger

Do you know what I learned to do this month?

Quite by accident, mind you. It's certainly nothing I set out to learn. I was a little startled the first time I did it, but I'm quite proud of myself now that I can replicate it on demand (mine, not yours). I'm not very good at it yet, but I'm quite sure that if I keep practicing I'll get better. Maybe I'll even learn to play tunes.

Guess what I learned to do this month. Go ahead guess. Give up?

I learned to make "tooting" noises with my hands, if you know what I mean. Now that's a skill that will be a gas at the old folks' home.

Anyone for Sardines?

The Dumass Company that I work for is moving us to a new office - or more accurately to another office. I like to call it that soul-sucking little hell-hole downtown.

It's a money saving move or so "they" say. I say they're just trying to take advantage of the workers.

I think the office used to be a supply closet before they stuck 8 cubicles in there. When we visited there earlier this week there were cardboard reindeer in one of the trash cans. If it wasn't a supply closet why were there carboard reindeer in the trash can in the middle of July?

They should have left the reindeer - at least there would have been something cheerful to look at. The desks and files cabinets are gray, battle-ship gray I think would be a decorator's more precise description. The cubicle components don't match so 2 drawers in each cube are brown. Brownish - the desks were filthy (not just a little dusty, but black streaked filthy). After we clean them they may also be battleship gray, or the color may be rust.

Would you believe that earlier this week we got a pep-talk video from the Dumass Company about being loyal to the company and about how they are working hard to make the Dumass Company a great place to work?

Dumb asses.

Mr. Cronkite

Walter Cronkite died yesterday. He's one of those American icons that make you ask, "He's dead? I thought he was already dead." then you think "He can't be dead. Walter Cronkite couldn't die. "

He's one of the first reporters I can remember watching on TV. Back when the news was only 15 minutes long and all you got was the news. When TV only came in shades of black and white. Chet and David and Walter Cronkite. Not just news anchors, but anchors of our world.

I'm so tired

Wake me when it's over.

"Time!", he screeched

frantically, "Time! Time! Time! It's time!"

I don't know what happened to my timer this week. I realized yesterday that it was the 13th but I "felt like" it was the 12th and I can't get back on track. I know today is only Tuesday, but it seems like it's near the end of the week.

I think that's why I seem to be obsessed with time. It's such a fleeting, ephemeral thing that's hard to hold in my mind or hands.

I can't see it, eat it, drink it, touch it, control it. Sure I can see time on a clock, but how do I know the time there is right? I can't tell if it's morning or evening or Tuesday or Saturday by looking at a clock. Not even a digital clock. At least not the digital clocks in my life.

They say what they want and none of them says the same thing. The clock in the bedroom is almost, but not quite, an hour off. So I know approximately that it's almost some time or other and if there's light coming through the blinds it's probably daylight, but sometimes when it's gloomy weather I have to guess.

The sad thing is that I mostly tell time by the television and when they screw with regular programming I don't have a clue.

Ah, that's the thing. She doesn't have a clue.

Hey!

That's all just Hey! How's your momma and them? Everybody in the family doing OK?

Nobody eloped, divorced, strayed, wandered, or looking sideways at somebody else's goody barn? Nobody pregnant that shouldn't oughtter be?

Anybody win the lottery? Or swap the mortgage for a deck of cards?

Nobody's kids missing, kissing, or robbing the liquor store?

Anybody's tomatoes take first prize at the fair or a wet t-shirt contest?

Anybody looking up the judge's robes in the courtroom or behind the courthouse?

Anybody leading the parade or following the horse brigade?

Man, is your family boring or what?

Happy Birthday, America!

It's the Fourth of July today. America's 233rd birthday. Not so very old in the history of time. Do you think she's growing weary yet? It's a tremendous responsibility to be The United States of America, the greatest nation in the world.

I read something today about the digitalizition of politics and I started wondering what George, Tom, John, Ben and the rest would think if they were still around. Would they be saying, "No! No! No! You've got it all wrong!" or would they be smiling, "We did good, boys. We laid a great foundation and look at what they've built on top of it today."

The last sentence of the Declaration of Independence is "And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor."

That's a lot to live up to.

Which way did it go?

Do you remember those cartoons where the characters would repeat over and over Which way did he go? Which way did he go? while running back and forth and around and around? That's my life.

I have been so busy at work this past month that I'm missing everything. Just look:

• I missed my westerns for three days in a row.
• I missed paying the rent by the first day of the month.
• I missed the first day of summer.

About noon yesterday, I suddenly realized it was the first day of July. A little later I thought to myself, " Hey! If it's July first, then summer has already started! When did that happen?"

I like to keep track of the comings and goings of the season. The first day of summer is my favorite day of the year because it's the longest day of the year. Every day after this, until the first day of winter in December, is going to be shorter than the day before. Precious seconds of daylight disappearing every day. It gives me seasonal depression just thinking about it.

If I were president, the longest day of the year would be a national holiday. It would be celebrated by picnics, and swimming, and evening baseball games. Churches could hold sunrise services to start the day. The official song would be "Here comes the sun".

We'll call it the Longest Day of the Year Holiday. (We'd call it Celebrate Summer Solstice but I know some used car lot would be advertising "Salebrate Summer Solstice". And the spokesperson would be somebody who spits when speaking the S sound.)

Don't get astronomical on me and start explaining how the longest day of the year is different depending on where you live. Some places it's before and somedays it's after the Summer Solstice. And some places it's both.

It's simple, we'll all just celebrate on the same day as me. Where ever I am on the longest day of the year, that's the day we celebrate. If I happen to be in San Francisco where legend claims there are 4 equally longest days, we'll just have to celebrate it for 4 days.

Make plans now to celebrate the Longest Day of the Year Holiday 2010 with me.

We've already missed 2009.