What are you doing New Year's Eve?

It's almost New Year ’s Eve. The end of 2005.

It's hard for me to believe that it has been five years since the eve of the "new millennium". The millennium that was suppose to end life as we know it when all computers crashed simultaneously as their internal clocks went from 1999 to 2000. For those of you too young to remember, January 1, 2000 came and went with barely a hiccup of inconvenience and there were a lot of people left with unnecessary stockpiles of gasoline, bicycles, and solar stills on January 2nd.

2005 was more eventful. It was a year of weird weather and disasters across the world. Our hearts overflowed with prayers for those thousands who were left without homes and those who lost loved ones.

Closer to home, it was when my co-workers and I learned when our jobs, as we know them, would be over. Certainly not an event on the proportions of hurricanes and earthquakes, but it’s ours. We are all hoping that everyone finds positions that result in "barely a hiccup of inconvenience" in our lives. Sometimes we remember that we aren’t the only ones affected; there are people from other companies that we have met from time to time that will be closing their units in February also and we add them to our prayers.

So on this last official work day of 2005, I want to wish everyone a Happy, Healthy, Prosperous, and Wonderful New Year. May 2006 be good to us all.

Oyster Dressing

I had fried oysters for Christmas dinner, which reminded me of my sisters' favorite oyster dressing recipe. This is the only oyster dressing they will eat.

1/4 - 1/2 cup chopped celery
1/4 cup chopped onion
1/3 cup margarine
3 cups soft bread cubes
1/2 - 1 teaspoon rubbed, dried sage leaves
1/4 teaspoon crushed, dried thyme leaves
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper
1/2 - 1 cup hot chicken broth
NO oysters

Cook celery and onion in margaine, stirring occasionally, until onion is tender. Put bread into a deep bowl. Add cooked vegetables and seasonings to bread. Add enough broth to cover bread (amount will depend on how dry the bread is and how soft you like dressing.) Don't forget to add NO oysters! You can add a small handful of dried cranberries if you like sweet dressing, but absolutely NO oysters. Mix ingredients just enough to distribute seasonings then put into greased, 1 quart casserole. Bake at 350 degrees for 20 - 30 minutes.

Homework time!

I have to write something today. My writing instructors are hovering over my shoulder (metaphorically) screaming, "Write! Write! For heaven's sakes, just write."

For those of you who asked (and made fun of my first choice), Herb Smiley is going to be the first screenplay I attempt. I chose this story because the characters are strong enough for me to answer homework questions with the least amount of effort.

Your mini-writing lesson for today: The main characters of any story should be the protagonist (hero/heroine) and the antagonist (villain). They should have contrasting flaws which cause a conflict between them; the conflict makes the story.

I tell you that so you can critique the following, which was part of my assignment for Lesson 2.

1. Describe your main characters.

Protagonist: Herbert Smiley
Flaw: Is overly meek and trusting. Believes you get ahead by helping others up. Follows the golden rule, “Do unto others”.
Protagonist’s helper and girl friend: Emily Rose
Protagonist’s helper and mother: Helen Smiley
Antagonist: William Kessner, protagonist’s boss
Flaw: Believes you only get ahead by walking over others. Follows the rule, “Screw others. Kindness is for suckers.”
Antagonist helper: George Blunt, a salesman at the used car lot
Minor Antagonist: Wyatt Kessner, the boss’s son.

2. Why are the hero & villain opposed? They both want to succeed, but believe in different methods.

3. When your opposites clash, will their contest lead to a higher level of truth, as in Hegel's idea of thesis, antithesis, synthesis? The antagonist will see that you don’t have to be walk on others to get ahead; the protagonist will learn that sometimes you have to stand and fight.

4. Is your villain the natural, logical opponent of your protagonist? Protagonist: Young & idealistic vs. Antagonist: Old & cynical

5. Does your hero have an incompleteness -- or wound -- which will make him/her vulnerable to attack by the antagonist and even bring about the villain's opposition? Herb is overly nice, which is the result of wanting to be the opposite of his father who was a domineering, abusive man. Herb's father abandoned his wife and son years ago, much to their relief.

Mr. Kessner's personality parallels the senior Mr. Smiley. This simultaneously attracts and repels Herb. Mr. Kessner is unpleasant because he spent all his time at the car lot making money for his wife and children and they abandoned him. They only loved his money because they never knew him. Mr. Kessner doesn't respect Herb because he finds Herb's niceness irritating.

6. Are your main characters the type who would stand up over time? I believe they could fit into any century, past or present. I think this story has been told many times before in various forms; its theme is evocative of Dickens’s A Christmas Carol in some ways.


Your homework question: What do you think? Do you love these characters? Are they real? Boring? Trite? Did you want to learn more about them, or did you fall asleep before you got this far?

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

Sights & Sounds of the Season

It's Christmas eve and I want to take this opportunity to share some of the things I've observed this holiday season.

1. Not once during this whole month did I hear, "Grandma got run over by a reindeer, going home from our house Christmas eve...." I'm not complaining, just observing.
2. The traffic around the mall wasn't as bad as it has been in years past.
3. People in the stores didn't say "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays" as much as they use to.
4. The price of stamps compared to the cost of email changed the way people sent me holiday greetings.
5. On my way to and from work, I found I cursed at fellow drivers a little more politely while listening to Christmas music.
6. I watched a group of bellringers on PBS playing Christmas carols. It was amazing to watch the precision handwork as they simultaneously picked up and put down bells, rang them with just the right flick of the wrist, and turned pages of sheet music. They were dressed all in black with high collars and gloves and they never smiled. They would have been right at home in a mausoleum.
7. The Kroger store on Allisonville Road has decorated for Christmas. Near the meat department is a 2 foot stuffed reindeer lying on its side. The first thought that popped into my mind the first time I saw it was "Why do they have a dead reindeer on display? That's gross!" I think it was suppose to be standing upright, but, although it changed position from week to week, I never saw it on it's feet. Happily, I never saw a special for reindeer meat either.
8. Kids still like rocking horses. The same Kroger had a stuffed rocking horse on display in the toy and gift area. I rarely saw it without a child sitting on it's back and grinning from ear to ear.
9. TV needs some new holiday specials and old movies.
10. I have nice friends that share the spirit of Christmas.

Homework is Hard Work

I have been working on Wednesday's assignment for my Screen Writing course. I am suppose to make a list of my favorite movies and TV shows and select my favorite three.

I tried. I really did.

But I couldn't decide on a list of favorites, much less narrow it down to three. I narrowed it down to three genres: mystery/detective, westerns, sit-coms, adventure, sci-fi. Oh, drat! That's more than three and I haven't finished.

Maybe I should select three at random and pretend they're my favorites. I have to watch them after I pick them and I don't want to be up all night doing homework.

It's so hard going to school at my age.

Christmas Blessings

May God bless you with Health and Prosperity in the New Year and may you have Peace, Hope, and Love everlasting.

Just tell it like it is

"You are also starting to feel overwhelmed by a force that seems to be bigger than you are. Very soon, though, you will recover your equilibrium. The future is much brighter than you may think." That was my horoscope for December 21st. It's eerily apropros to my life at the moment.

Did you ever read a horoscope that said something like "You are starting to feel overwhelmed by a force that seems to be bigger than you are. Well, honey, it is. You might as well just curl up in a ball and suck your thumb till the stars shift again because the next few months are gonna stink like used sweatsocks"?

Or "You don't really want to know today has in store for you, but let me extend my sympathy now"?

What about "You will finally get what you deserve over the next few weeks. So just cowboy up and can the whining 'cause nobody cares"?

On second thought, just tell it the way I want it to be.

This was my horoscope for today: "Brightly shone the moon that night, Though the frost was cruel, When a poor man came in sight, Gath'ring winter fuel. In the words of Good King Wenceslas, we hear a story about the ultimate irrelevance of worldly status. Some people seem to have it all, others appear to have nothing. Real wealth, though, has nothing to do with material fortune. It's about the ability to recognize the magic and majesty of a higher power. Whatever Christmas means to you, you are about to see evidence of a kindly cosmos."

I can hardly wait!

And the winner is .........

I don't know.

All the votes aren't in yet, but I have 1 vote for The Jewel Thief, 2 for The Dog Walker, 1 for Herbert Smiley, and 1 who can't decide. I think I have 1 producer/director, 2 leading men, 2 casting agents, and 1 critic.

I have to decide by Friday because that assignment is a continuation of the story line. Of course, everyone knows that I never get my assignments done on time so let's say I have to decide by next Friday which is so close to New Year's that I think I can safely say I'll get it done sometime next year.

It's all about the plot.

I have to write an outline of the story that I will use for the rest of my screenwriting course. Which one of these do you think has the most promise?

1. The Jewel Thief (a mystery)
Marcie meets an insurance fraud investigator in Paris and falls in love. She discovers that Brad is pursuing Julie whom he believes is the international jewel thief costing his company millions of dollars. When Brad disappears, Marcie thinks Julie murdered him and begins to stalk her to get revenge. One day they meet accidentally in a book store and become "friends". Julie doesn't realize that Marcie is plotting her murder. Marcie becomes confused when she discovers that Brad isn't dead and decides that Brad and Julie have teamed up to destroy her so she vows to get them first. There is a surprise ending, but I can't tell you because then it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?

2. The Dog Walker (a comedy)
Bill sees a gorgeous neighbor walking her dog and plots to meet her. The dog helps by having an affinity for Bill (or his lawn). Bill is so flustered when he first meets the knock-out neighbor that he says something stupid and spends the rest of the movie trying to find her and prove he's not as gauche as he acts, but since he really is, a lot of silly action takes place before he catches the woman of his dreams – the girl next door. (I just gave away the surprise ending, but you figured it out all ready anyway, didn't you? FYI: The story is based on a true event, but the characters aren't based on real people.)

3. Herbert Smiley (a made for TV-movie)
Herb Smiley is a used car salesman who dreams of bigger things. He's in love with the receptionist but they can't get married because Herb doesn't make enough money. When the nasty, greedy owner of the car lot has a stroke, Herb takes him home where his mother (a nurse) cares for the man as if he were a rich relative. Herb then takes over the business with help from the girlfriend and becomes the Used Car King of Minneapolis while his mother falls in love with her patient. The old man has amnesia from the stroke and thinks he is Herb’s dad until he sees a commercial featuring old pictures of the car lot and he remembers who he is and realizes that Herb stole his business. However, the old man thinks he’s better off with a wife to care for him and a son to do all the work at the car lot so he doesn’t tell anybody that he knows. He has been estranged from his family for years, but his less-than-dutiful, recently-fired son comes home for Christmas to find his father is missing and Herb in charge of the car lot. He takes over, but allows Herb to return to his job as salesman. Eventually he accuses Herb of murder as well as stealing the business and the old man has to come forth and save the day. The story ends when the old man marries Mrs. Smiley and gives Herb the business so Herb and the receptionist can get married and everybody lives happily ever after - except for the nasty, greedy son who is following in his father's footsteps in another town. Has this one already been done? I keep seeing John Candy and Chevy Chase.

School Daze

The weekend is half over and I haven't got my homework done yet.

I have two young friends who are currently in college. Two over-achieving friends who think they've done badly if they slip to an A- average. I'm sure they have all their work done by 9 o'clock Friday night every week.

Don't you just hate people like that? The ones that ruin the "grade curve" for everybody else. The ones that always shoot their hands up before the instructor finishes asking a question. The ones that finish the tests first and then sit there smiling smugly to themselves as you struggle to finish the first question. You know they're going to say, "I hope I did all right on that test. I didn't have any time to study." as surely as you know they're going to get 100.

Just kidding! I love those nerds. Heck, I used to be one. This is just my way of saying "Congratulations! Your grades this term were exemplary."

At the movies

My Screen Writing course started today. This looks like a fun class. The first assignment is: Rent a video of your choice, and watch it.

I think I can do that.

The problem is that I'll have to wait till the weekend before I have time to do any homework and I'll have another assignment Friday. I think I'm suppose to write and sell a screenplay. Or something like that.

Next week, the assignment is to Make a list of your all-time favorite movies and television shows. Rent or borrow videos of your top three selections and watch them.

Another exhausting weekend full of homework. I hope I make it through the whole 6 weeks. Oooh, I hope I have enough popcorn.

It's still snowing

In case you haven't noticed, it's still snowing. An inch here, a foot there.

An ice patch here, a pot hole there.

Several months ago I heard that the strange, catastrophic weather this summer and fall was going to be followed by a mild winter.

They were wrong.

In all fairness, winter hasn't started yet. There is still a week of fall to go so it's possible that our winter will be as balmy as a tropical isle.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Tis The Season - for TV Christmas movies

Do you know how many times Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol was adapted to the screen?

I just checked the Internet Movie Database and found 50 films, TV movies, and full length animation type movies between 1901 and 2003. That includes not only movies with the title "A Christmas Carol", but Scrooged,The Stingiest Man in Town, An American Christmas Carol, and Weihnachtslied in Prosa oder Eine Geistergeschichte zum Christfest.

Some of the stars that have portrayed Ebeneezer Scrooge include George C. Scott (considered by some to be the definitive Scrooge), Alistar Sim, Scrooge McDuck, Albert Finney, Cicely Tyson, Patrick Stewart, Mr. Magoo (one of my favorites), Henry Winkler, Fred Flintstone, Hoty Axton, Vanessa Williams, Jesus Tordesillas (Brazillian Version), Jack Palance (in a Wild West version) and Bill Murray.

Just in case you wanted to know.

Tis the season

This is December. The season for old holiday movies and specials to show up on TV.

A Very Brady Christmas is on this afternoon. That's not very remarkable in itself as many people still like this old sit-com. I don't know why; it didn't seem that good when it was on the first time.

It's on immediately after four hours of The Godfather. That just seems wrong somehow.

Do you suppose the scheduler at WNDY was trying to make a statement?

1. Both movies are about families.
2. Both star old geezers.
3. Both seem interminable.

Marsha, Marsha, Marsha, make me an offer I can't refuse - I had to say it at least once. I know you were thinking it.

It got cold then it snowed

That's the weather report for last week.

How much did it snow?
Too much!

How cold did it get?
Does my butt look smaller to you?
'cause it's cold enough to freeze my a** off!

Who needs instructions?

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I spent a lot of time schlepping books from one place to another in my apartment last week. After lifting several armloads of books and even boxes full of books without collapsing, I began to think I was in much better shape than I imagined. Oh, yeah, for an old lady, I’m bad.

Then I met my comeuppance in an easy, simple, just snap it together, plastic shelving unit. It was so simple I didn't need instructions.

I put a leg in the bottom shelf. It fell over. I took the leg out and tried it upside down. It fell out. I moved the shelf to the floor and tried it again. That worked.

I quickly added the other three legs and topped them with another shelf. I put one leg on the second shelf. It all fell at my feet with three legs rolling just out of reach. I put it together again, using more pressure, and adding torque.

I got all four legs on the second shelf and crowned them with a third shelf. I looked down. The legs in the middle were emulating the Tower of Pisa. I straightened them up and half fell out, one rolled out of sight, one bounced into the next room, the others wavered on the edge.

By this time, I was beginning to work up a sweat and breathe heavily. Desperate, I looked at the pictures on the box, searching for directions. I read the part about being simple and easy to assemble again. It said "Instructions provided." I did everything but crawl into the box and still haven't found any instructions.

I started over, adding more force, more torque, and more swear words, not really caring if the whole thing snapped in to little, tiny, plastic pieces instead of together. I chased it across the floor and around two rooms, but I eventually triumphed. Oh, yeah, for an old lady, I’m bad.

It was straight - up, down, and across. I added the last shelf. A leg fell off. I swore and wiped the sweat from my eyes before I replaced it, firmly.

Done. I carefully maneuvered it into place in the closet. Two legs fell off. I replaced them and two more fell off on the other side.

I sobbed as I reset the legs. Did I hear them laughing maliciously or was that just a roaring in my ears as my blood pressure rose? I sat down and had a glass of ice tea, trying to remember why I don’t drink.

Wiping the tears from my eyes, I tackled the project again. It’s too traumatic to recall the details of the fight that ensued, but let me just say, that pile of crap is now in the closet holding my towels. Who’s laughing now, plastic boy?

Oh, yeah, for an old lady, I’m way bad.

Whadda ya want be when you grow up?

I recently read an article about finding the perfect job. The article focused on helping the job seeker determine the ideal career to suit interests and personality. One of the tools they recommended was to think about your relationship with everyday things, such as asking yourself "When I enter a book store, which section do I head to first?"

The first section I go to in a book store is the bargain aisle. I'm not sure how that would translate to a career. I haven't seen many job listings for "cheapskate".

As I was sorting through the books in my home yesterday and today, it occurred to me that the types of books I actually buy might give me a better clue. Well, I found books on doll making, doll repair, dollhouse building, and teddy bear dressing. That would point to a job as "toy maker", but I'm not very talented and I spend as much time playing as working so I don't think I could make a living at it.

Then I came across books on software office applications. "Maybe I could be an administrative assistance?" I pondered. But, no, I can't taype accuratelly and I can't take orders.

I sorted through several dozen cookbooks. Chef? Baker? Nope, read them more than I use them.

Next came books on diet and fitness. Uh, no, don't even go there.

I found books on gardening, architecture, photography, logic, cartoons, fiber crafts, paper crafts, and wood crafts. There were books on statistics, calculus, and algebra; computer programming and computer repair; mystery books and crime detection; camping, fishing, hiking, and bird watching; house cleaning, decorating, repair, and organization; juggling, piano playing, blogging, and writing; sewing machines and power tools; starting a business, investing, and writing resumes; Christmas and Hanukkah.

You see where I’m going with this? I can’t make up my mind about anything.

Thank goodness, I only have a few more years till retirement. Then I’ll have time to read all those books and maybe I can decide what I want to be when I grow up.

Mirror, Mirror on The Wall

I stumbled out of bed this morning and, bleary eyed, looked in the mirror. The word dissipated came to mind. I didn't look any better when I put on my glasses and took a second look.

I don't have enough fun to look that bad at 9 o'clock in the morning.