Some days you just don't want to get out of bed

You know I work for the Dumass company, right? Well, they recently installed a new application that I need to do my work. Without it, I can't work on any of my projects. I can use it from 8 - 9, then others in the company across the nation start using it and then nobody can use it because it can't handle the work load.

This new application took them over a year to complete because they screwed up the first time and had to get a bigger, faster model and it still doesn't work. And if it doesn't work, neither do I.

Now, some people don't have a problem with that. Some people in my office can play on the internet , or play solitaire, or twiddle their thumbs all day and be perfectly happy as long as they can still take an hour and a half lunch, leave an hourly early and still get a paycheck.

I can't do that. An hour tops of fooling around and I'm ready to send in my resignation and tell the Dumass company to stop being such a dumass company. I'm such a schmuck!

Real Estate

The Canadian geese around here, unaffected by the global economic downturn, are already seeking out prime real estate on which to raise their future offspring. One would think that geese would all demand lake front property, or at least something within easy waddling distance to water.

One would be wrong.

Two Canadian geese prepare a nursery in our office park every year, not near a lake or retention pond or even a soggy culvert, but near the front door of our office building. One wonders if they've noticed that the office is within a mile of a lovely little nature preserve.

One wouldn't mind them making our front door theirs, except:

1. They don't have "indoor" plumbing, if you know what I mean, and I'm sure you do if you've ever had to walk through a goose latrine.


2. They get quite preturbed when perceived trespassers wander too close to the nest and the soon-to-be goslings. If you've ever been goosed by geese, you know they can pack quite a pinch for their size and weight.

One solution to our problem:

Just kidding! Canadian geese are protected by theUnited States Fish andWildlife Service under the Migratory Bird Treaty Act of 1918 and the Migratory Bird Conservation Act of 1929. (Even those that emigrated instead of migrated.)

Cooked Goose

Goosed

Ode to a Meeting

The Dumass company where I work is in love with meetings. I have been to meetings for the sole purpose of planning subsequent meetings. Some of the meetings have different titles but they same the same thing. Every week, every month.

I, on the other hand, do not love meetings. Especially poorly organized meetings. Especially stupid, useless meetings.

This week I have worked two days and been to 5 or 6 meetings and conference calls already. During one of the more tortuous conference calls I wrote a poem.

Ode to a Meeting

This is stupid,

This is dumb,

It makes my brain

and butt go numb.

Back in the day

I had the day off work today and while I was sitting around watching game shows the name "John Davidson" popped into my head. In case you don't remember, he used to be the host of a game show on TV and had a singing career. I haven't heard of him for years so Googled him to see if he was still alive.

He is, and so is his singing career. Based on the list of bookings in January and February, he's still very popular. (Probably with old people as most, if not all, of the sites were in Arizona and Florida and he is 69.)

I saw him once in concert with my friend, Helen, at the state fair. I wish Helen was here now so we could discuss how much he looks the same, 30 years later. And how he looks different. See for yourself. (Is it just me, or do you think he's wearing pink lipstick now?)

One old woman's opinion

I think the stimulus package that is to be signed into law later this week may be one of the biggest congressional boondoggles ever foisted on the American people by the government.

Any project that costs $800 billion shouldn't be slapped together in a month. I doubt if most Congress people know what's in the package - they haven't had time to read all 1,000 pages. Actually, I don't know how many pages it is - I found sources saying anywhere from 700 - 1,500.

It's difficult to get all the details, but I did find these:

• 35% is tax cuts and 65% is direct spending
• $87 billion is earmarked for Medicaid spending.
• $39 billion for education - some of this is for remodeling schools, some for grants/loans for poor college students, the rest for who-knows-what
• $8 billion for high-speed trains
• $6.5 billion for medical research.
• A tax credit that will put an average of $7 a week extra in your pocket. (Whoopee! )
• Social security and disability recipients will get a one time payment of $250 (It's better than a kick in the pants.)
• Health insurance subsidies for the newly unemployed.

This is all so confusing, made even more so by reporters and analysts who add their 2 cents to the news. I've read that:

• $100 billion of the tax cuts will go to people who don't pay taxes.
• Most of the money won't be spent for 2 - 5 years

We have met the enemy and he is us. Walt Kelly

Back again

I just got back from my second business trip of the month.

Remember when I said I always get the room farthest from the elevator? I stayed at the same 4 story motel this week as last. Last week my room number was 447 and this time it was 430. I was excited when I got my key. 430 sounded close to the elevator and since you have to walk outside to get to your room even on the 4th floor,even in snow and rain, it's important not to be too far away.

Anyway, 430 was not close to the elevator. Of course. It was as far away from the elevator as 447, but in the opposite direction.

I had lunch at a place called The Feedstore recommended by a doctor attending the same meeting. We walked past several restaurants to reach this place so I was expecting a really good sandwich.

I got chicken salad (their specialty) on light rye. It was more like pate than salad, the bread was just regular every day bread, and they didn't even stick a slice of lettuce on the bread. The sandwich, a pickle spear, and a glass of tea was about $8.00. All they sell are sandwiches and soup, you give your order at the counter, and pay on the way out. It took over 1/2 hour to be served. How long does it take to slap a scoop of chicken salad on a slice of bread, toss the second slice on top, stick it on a plate and serve it? Apparently about 30 minutes.

For dinner, I went to an Italian restaurant recommended by somebody else. I was expecting good things from this place because 1) it was Italian, 2) it was so crowded on a Wednesday evening in a deserted downtown that we had to wait over 30 minutes to be seated. For $18 + tip, I got iced tea (with fequent refills), almost warm bread, spagetti with bland tomato sauce and 2 small meatballs (light on the meat). I didn't even get freshly grated cheese on the spaghetti. WHAT! An "authentic" Italian restaurant with a jar of cheese sitting on the table. Tsk. Tsk.

For all I know, these were the best restaurants in town. It wasn't that big of a town. Both of the recommendees live more than 300 miles from the town, so what do they know?

I'm back!

Did you miss me?

I returned from a businees trip to Illinois yesterday. Not a successful trip. One of the participants became ill so the meeting was postponed and I have to return on Monday. Sigh. Big, big sigh.

Notes from my trip:

I'm not much of a traveler. I was about 15 minutes from home and realized I was already bored and still had 3 1/2 hours to go. As I've mentioned before, driving isn't as fun as it used to be when gas was 25 cents a gallon.

My butt's too big for a Mazda.

I think there's a law that says any hotel room I get has to be the farthest one from the elevator. Either that, or the hotel clerks look at me and go, "Hmmmm, she needs more exercise".

Why is it that the only hotels I've stayed at in the last 20 years that had Pepsi available were the ones where I remembered to take Pepsi with me?

Why do hotel heating systems make so much noise? And if it's not the heating system, it's the toilet.

Which reminds me, I was on-line checking the amenities of the hotel where I'm staying next week and was happy to see that it did have a toilet. (It makes me wonder if there are any hotels in American state capitals that don't have at least one.)

I want to thank my father for teaching me to follow directions. His directions were "If you want to go this way, then go that way. Sooner or later you'll get to where you're going." It may have taken a little longer than if I'd had a fancy GPS tool or even a city map, but I got home and never had to turn around and never stopped to ask for directions. Now that was fun.

It snowed again!

Really. We haven't got rid of one-fourth of the last bunch that got dumped on us and today we got at least 3 more inches.

On the way to work, our clerk got stuck on the interstate for over 4 hours because of a wreck - and she wasn't even close enough to see it. She called on her cell phone and we checked the internet to tell her why she was sitting there.

On the other side of town, we had 2 pile-ups on another interstate that closed the higthway for over 5 hours - and the southbound lanes are still closed.

Spring, we long to see you!