Have you missed me?

My computer is acting silly. It will just shut down whenever it feels like it with no regard to what I'm doing. That's why I haven't posted anything for a while. I didn't want to be in the middle of something and have it disappear Poof! into a blackhole in cyberspace.

I'm risking it today though so you won't think I'm ignoring you. This is going to be short so I don't lose it so this is it.

Your Cheatin' Hearts

My computer cheats at computer games.

I have long suspected it, but I think I have enough evidence now to prove that it's not cheating at just one game, but several. I don't want to tip my hand completely, but here is some of the evidence.

Hearts:

1. I first noticed the cheating when I played Hearts against three competitors of the computer's choosing. It's statistically impossible for the player on the left to get the Ace, King, or Queen of Spades 99.9% of the time so they can pass them to me.
2. The competitor with the "prettiest" sounding name usually wins.

Five Dice (like Yatzee):

1. 98.9% of the time my electronic opponent rolls "five dice" at least once during a game. (That's worth 50 points.) It's not unusual for her/him to roll "five dice" as many as 5 times in one game.
2. I roll "five dice" about 0.1% of the time. I still win 99.9% of the games though. (I didn't say the computer was good at cheating.)

Solitaire:

1. Yes, my computer cheats at Solitaire. When I click the screen for subsequent deals, you know it's supposed to deal 3 cards at a time, right? Well, my computer has started dealing 6 - 9 cards at a time. Nobody likes a cheatin' card player.

To get even, I'm going to tell you some secrets about playing Microsoft's Solitaire.

1. If you click the right mouse button, the computer will place visible cards to the correct suit stack. (For example, if an Ace is in the draw pile, right click and it will be placed above the row stacks. If a two of the same suit is visible in the row stacks, it will be also be placed on top of the Ace.) Use this judiciously; sometimes it actually hinders your play.


2. When playing Draw Three, and you need that Queen that's hiding under the Jack, hold down ctrl+alt+shift and click on the deck to draw single cards.


3. If you click shift+alt+2 in the middle of a game, you'll win.

"The 9000 series is the most reliable computer ever made. No 9000 computer has ever made a mistake or distorted information. We are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error."... HAL, 2001: A Space Odyssey

What's for dinner?

This is my 2006 Thanksgiving Menu. I didn't make all this stuff or even eat it. Or even intend to, when it comes right down to it. I just make menus to make menus. I do it for all the major holidays. You should see the finished projects, with fancy fonts and appropriate clip-art. Strange hobby, eh?

Thanksgiving Menu

Onion & Cheese Pastries
Crudités with Herb Dip
Tropical Fruit Kabobs

Roast Chicken

Baked Sweet Potatoes with Petite Marshmallows
Scalloped Corn Casserole

Green Beans Almandine

Cranberry Mousse
Waldorf Salad
Cranberry Orange Relish

Dilly Bread
Butter
Assorted Jams & Jellies

Iced Tea

Homemade Pumpkin Pie with Whipped Cream
Blackberry Tartlets

Happy Thanksgiving

Giggle, giggle, giggle

Guess what? Tyra Banks has a big ol' crush on Clay Aiken.

I happened to catch Tyra's talk show this afternoon, and she was giggling like a school girl. She was so flustered she could barely talk. She even claimed to like that hairdo that he was sporting a few months back that looked like a cheap wig. She managed to find out that he's allergic to everything and he wears boxer shorts, in case you're interested.

There was a woman in the audience that had Clay autograph her back some time ago and was so thrilled that she had it tattooed. That's just silly. Well, not just silly. It's also stupid.

I was looking for a picture to go with this post and found one of the last winner of American Idol (at least it's the last winner I can remember). You know the guy that jumped around all over the place? What ever happened to him? Has anybody heard anything about him since those Ford commercials that came out on the heels of his AI win?

Fame is fleeting.

Cactus Town

Did I tell you I planted a cactus garden for my birthday in October? Well, not only is it still living, it's actually growing. Which isn't really a good thing.

I mean the "still living" is great. I figured they'd be gone before the end of the month, and here we are almost through month two. But the growing? One of my relatives (and for the life of me I can't remember which one) once started with a little cactus from the local Five & Dime, and ended up with a 5 foot attack plant.

I have a long way to go before it gets to 5 foot, but the one that has leaves at the top has already multiplied and grown maybe 1/2 inch in a month so how long will it take before it takes over?

It's already annoying. It has deciduous leaves at the top that turn yellow & fall off - into the sticky spines before. Do you know how you clear out those leaves from the cacus spines? Very carefully, that's how.

Some Days are Golden, Some Not So Much

It's almost time for The Rifleman to start so I don't have time to write anything good so I'll just whine. I had a not-so-good day at work today.

In the first place, I didn't sleep well so I got up late & got to work later than usual. Then the computer started acting up shortly after I got there. After less than 2 hours of working, I couldn't get anything at all to work right, I had to do something for one of the other staff members because he failed to do it himself - twice, then I was called in the manager's office & was my usual hot-headed self. Which always makes me feel bad because I'm such a sweet old lady.

My computer still wasn't working, so I rebooted, but then I couldn't get back in because I was "locked out" and needed to have my password reset. And by then, it was time to go do community service.

When I got back after lunch, nobody's computer was working and I had to be able to use somebody else's computer to unlock my computer but since nobody else could get in - neither could I. But it didn't really matter because I had to go back to the manager's office to help with a special project that gives me a headache.

Finally, I got to come home. And if they've pre-empted The Rifleman, well all I can say is Watch Out!





I just checked and the show's on so excuse me, folks, while I watch some old fashioned, wholesome, shoot-em-up fun.

I'm Old, and Set in My Ways

I have had to change to Beta Blogger, or Blogger Beta, or whatever it's name is. I just call it stupid.

I don't see any great improvements. I don't see any improvements at all. I don't want to learn anything new. I don't want to have to stop and think what I'm doing. I don't have time to think. I barely have time just to be.

It's just stupid. And I'm up to here in stupid lateley.

Stupid is as stupid does

Time and Time Again

Does it ever seem to you that I'm obsessed with time? I'm not, you know.

The clock that I can see when I'm sitting at my computer has lost time again. I don't know what it does with it. Where it goes. I do hope that it's not my time it's wasting.

I put a new battery in the clock a few weeks ago. At least I thought it was a new battery. Maybe it was old. Not used, just old and tired. Past it's prime. Time had passed it by.

I know there is a clock on my computer and all I have to do is glance down and to the right to know what time it is, but I prefer to look up and check the time on a "real" clock. No matter that the clock is 15 minutes slow.

I know the clock is off, but when I look at it, something tells me it's "The Clock" so the time must be right and I have 15 minutes more than I really do. That's why I'm sitting here typing this nonsense when I should be getting ready to go to work.

To Each Their Own

Last Saturday night, the local PBS station pre-empted the Lawrence Welk Show for The Rat Pack. They must like to live dangerously.

There are many elderly woman addicted to the Welk family and although they probably grew up with the Rat Pack, I'm not sure Frank, Sammy, and Dean, et al, were a satisfactory substitute for the hard core fans of champagne music.

When I was a nurse in Florida, I learned that it saved me time and delighted my older patients if I made sure all TV's were tuned to the right channel well before the show was scheduled to start. Every Saturday night after dinner, I would make my rounds and in between nursing duties I would be turning on the TVs, assuring anxious ladies that the show hadn't started yet, and feeding their addiction.

One night, I was surprised (to say the least) to see that Soul Train was rocking in a room shared by two elderly ladies. As I adjusted an IV, I casually asked the lady in the first bed if she wanted me to change channels for her. She shook her head and whispered, "No, my roommate's watching this. I can't stand it. I want to watch the Lawrence Welk Show, but I don't want to upset her. It is her room, too."

I went to the other side of the curtain, and asked the patient in the bed next to the window, if she enjoyed Soul Train. She sighed and replied, "No, it's not my type of music, but my roommate is watching this and I don't want to upset her."

I just rolled my eyes and changed the TV to their favorite show. Then I pulled back the curtain so they could enjoy it together.

Me? I would have preferred American Bandstand. Still do.

Call me a relic, call me what you will,

Say I'm old fashioned, say I'm over the hill.

Today's music ain't got the same soul,

I like that old time rock and roll.

...... George Jackson and Thomas Jones

Eleven Eleven

Did you know there are more than 25 million living veterans in America today?

I'm off work today in honor of Veterans Day which is November 11th. It's the first time in my long working career that I have been employed by a company that officially observes this holiday.

In case you're wondering about the difference between Memorial Day and Veterans Day, I did a little research. Memorial day was established to honor servicemembers who died in service to their country or as a result of injuries incurred during battle. Veterans Day is for the men and women who served in the military during war or peace.

Denise's children are having special programs at school for Veteran's Day. I couldn't remember any such programs when I was in school and neither did Denise or Stephanie who are much younger than I am (and, therefore, would have gone to school in a different era.)

Maybe I never celebrated it because the teacher I had for 5 of the 8 years I attended elementary school mostly celebrated Irish holidays. Or because it didn't become a Federal holiday until 1968. But probably it was because it wasn't until 2001 that United States Senate Resolution 143 designated "National Veterans Awareness Week" as an opportunity for schools to educate students about the contributions and sacrifices of veterans.


So this is for all the men and women who served our country honorably during wars, conflicts, political unrests, national disasters, and blessed peace.

May God always hold you close to his heart.

Bad jokes

A hamburger walks into a bar, and the bartender says....We don't serve food here!

A guy walks into a doctors office with a carrot in his ear and a piece of celery up his nose.....The doctor said "I can tell you right now, you're not eating right!"

There was a man who got into a car accident.He was soon rushed to the hospital. The left side of his body was completely paralyzed.... The doctor said, "He's going to be all right."

How do you keep a fool in suspense?

Do you have any questions?

Sometimes when people tell me there are no stupid questions, I want to retort, "You haven't heard them all", but that seems rude. I know what to say now as I recently heard an appropriate quote : "There are no stupid questions, only stupid people."

Of course, I know that reply is even ruder, but, really, some questions!

Sometimes a question will be perfectly reasonable if asked by one person but completely asinine from another. For example: A college-educated adult once asked me if she took an aspirin for a pain in her big toe, how did it know she wasn't taking it for a headache. Honestly, I wouldn't have laughed so hard if that question had come from a 6 year old.

I can usually recognize when I'm asking a stupid question and sometimes I ask them on purpose because they are so dumb and I'm trying to be funny or sarcastic, but too often nobody realizes that but me. Sometimes, a person will keep trying to explain "it" to me even after I tell them, several times, that I knew the answer before I asked the question and was just asking to (1)be silly, (2)validate my opinion, or (3)whatever. Do they think I really am that stupid? (and don't say "Now that is a stupid question!")

Sometimes it's just a simple question and the responder has to eagerly give me a long-winded reply, explaining every little detail, when the question itself reveals that I'm not entirely clueless about the subject. A simplified example: like I ask somebody standing next to the window, "Is the sky blue?" and the answerer has to go on and on and on telling me what a sky is and what colors are and about different shades of blue. All, I needed was "yes" or "no", but I never do get an actual answer to the question so I have to go to the window and find out for myself.

Or when I ask an either-or question, and get yes or no for a response. If I ask if you want to go to Joe's Java Joint or to Pam's Pancake Place for breakfast, don't answer "Yes". You're just trying to start an argument.

Here's some other good advice:

1. If your co-worker asks, "Can I ask a stupid question?", it's rude to respond,"Yes, you certainly can and frequently do."
2. Just say No. If your girlfriend says, "Do these jeans make me look fat?", never answer, "No, you've packed on some extra pounds lately and it looks like they settled around your hips."
3. If a cop pulls you over and asks,"Did you realize you were going 70 miles an hour back there?", don't answer,"Really? I thought I was going 80."
4. If your mother asks, "Who ate the chocolate cake?", don't answer,"Not me." when your mouth is full.
5. If you're having a discussion with your boss and he asks "Do I look that stupid to you?", don't answer.

Good advice

I'm currently taking another law course and found this advice from an experienced lawyer about how to behave during a trial, whether you're the lawyer, defendent, or witness. It's good advice for everyone all the time: "Always be yourself… Unless you're an obnoxious jerk, then be someone else."

It's time

Two days into normal time and my body is beginning to feel better already, but it hasn't quite got the hang of it yet. I fall asleep watching TV because it's past my bedtime by the perverted time, and I wake up an hour early.

So here I sit, all dressed up and no place to go.

I have to go be at a conference around 8, 8:30 this morning, but it's too early to leave yet. I could leave now and sit in the lobby of the hotel for half an hour. Maybe practice "casing the joint".

It's gonna be a long, long day.