The F key on my computer keyboard has decided to work only part of the time. The left shift key started goofing off sometime ago, but I have managed to work around it since there is a shift key on the right. This occasionally makes for an odd typing rhythm so I find myself contemplating the advisability of emulating eleanor pearce bailey in which case I could eschew the use of capital letters completely.
The F key though is a different matter. There is only one F key to a keyboard. When it goes, every F word goes too.
This may expand my vocabulary even faster than the Scrabble games. I could write "my approximately six attractively adorned aviarian acquaintances" in place of "my ive ine eathered riends".
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Monday, July 25, 2005
Happy Birthday, John!
Today is my baby brother's birthday. I don't think he reads this blog, but just in case, I want him to know I was thinking about him early this morning and wishing him a happy birthday.
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Supercalifragilisticexpealidotious
Like many older people, I have been experiencing difficulties recalling the right word lately. It will be perched on the tip of my brain, but I can’t transfer it to the tip of my tongue . Sometimes I use whatever word pops into my mouth hoping that no one will notice.
Of course old people are forgetful. They have so much knowledge crammed into their brains that the file cabinets in there are overflowing. It’s hard to recall anything unless you have an excellent filing and retrieval system.
To facilitate communication, I recently purchased a computer Scrabble ® game. I can compete against a computer opponent or 1 – 3 friends, but I prefer to challenge myself because (1) I’m always available, (2) I get more practice using words if I assume the persona of four different characters, (3) it’s difficult to play with multiple people on one computer, and (4) friends don’t let you cheat.
Although I usually only play 10 point words (unless I cheat), it appears to be having the desired affect: an upgrade to my internal memory retrieval system. Several people at work this week have criticized or ridiculed my utilization of multisyllabic words. To which I retorted adamantly, “Illiterate Philistines!” (which sounds immensely more sophisticated than “You impertinent young whippersnappers!”)
Of course old people are forgetful. They have so much knowledge crammed into their brains that the file cabinets in there are overflowing. It’s hard to recall anything unless you have an excellent filing and retrieval system.
To facilitate communication, I recently purchased a computer Scrabble ® game. I can compete against a computer opponent or 1 – 3 friends, but I prefer to challenge myself because (1) I’m always available, (2) I get more practice using words if I assume the persona of four different characters, (3) it’s difficult to play with multiple people on one computer, and (4) friends don’t let you cheat.
Although I usually only play 10 point words (unless I cheat), it appears to be having the desired affect: an upgrade to my internal memory retrieval system. Several people at work this week have criticized or ridiculed my utilization of multisyllabic words. To which I retorted adamantly, “Illiterate Philistines!” (which sounds immensely more sophisticated than “You impertinent young whippersnappers!”)
Thursday, July 21, 2005
I'm Cranky!
I wrote this poem for today. (OK, so it's not really a poem, but don't mess with me - I just told you I was cranky!)
If they can send a man to the moon why can’t they …
regulate the thermostat in an office?
make a remote control that comes when I call?
build a highway that doesn’t need re-paved annually?
Why do they call them…
“Help Desks” if they can’t help you?
“Service Operators” if they don’t provide any services?
“Reality TV shows” when they aren’t about reality?
If they can send a man to the moon why can’t they …
regulate the thermostat in an office?
make a remote control that comes when I call?
build a highway that doesn’t need re-paved annually?
Why do they call them…
“Help Desks” if they can’t help you?
“Service Operators” if they don’t provide any services?
“Reality TV shows” when they aren’t about reality?
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Timing is Everything
I went to school with two classmates who had polio and who were probably stricken with it the same year. It was the year before polio vaccine became available. I was reading about a man with polio last week when I began thinking about those two and I realized that I had known one when I was in first grade and the other when I was in twelfth.
The only name I can recall from first grade at Pleasantville Elementary is David’s. I remember him because (1) he joined us mid-semester, (b) he was the cutest guy in the class, and (3) he had braces on both legs. The braces added an air of vulnerability that even six year old girls find attractive.
Because of the braces, David was unable to maneuver the steps into our cafeteria. This was long before the general conscious realized that making accommodations for those with special challenges is the right thing to do. But I digress (or as my friend, Michelle, would say, “You’re rambling again.”). To get back to my remembrance, because of those stairs the first graders took turns carrying a lunch tray back to David. My parents moved half way across the state just before it was my turn. I’m still ticked. My only chance to impress the cutest guy in class and they ruined it.
My new best friend in my new first grade was named Connie. That’s not actually germane to this story, but it’s another interesting coincidence I thought I’d throw in.
Several moves later and I ended up going to a new school for my last year of high school. I should have been really ticked at that, but the school before that was a real stinker so I was happy to leave. (“You’re rambling again.”) My best friend at my new school was also named Connie. She also had braces on her legs from polio. She had a beautiful singing voice and was in several choirs at school and church. The Ensemble Choir included only the school’s most talented female singers. (I am not rambling. That point is important to the story.)
Every day after lunch I helped Connie maneuver the stairs to get to the next class and the English instructor soon learned to accept that I would be a couple of minutes late. (Because of her gregarious personality and singing talent, everybody knew Connie and nobody ever questioned me when I’d say “I was helping Connie.”)
One Saturday when we were window shopping Connie stopped in front of a shoe store to point out the dress shoes that the girls in the Ensemble Choir wore, a cute black slip-on with a modest heel. I was puzzled, “You don’t have shoes like that?”
“No, I don’t”, she replied in a voice as puzzled as mine.
“But YOU don’t have shoes like that!” I was getting a little ticked. It wasn’t fair that those other girls had pretty shoes and Connie didn’t.
After a few minutes of this, Connie explained, “Martha, I can’t wear those shoes with braces.”
The light finally dawned, “Oh, I forgot you wore braces.”
Boy, did I feel stupid. She was standing beside me wearing two cumbersome leg braces and had a crutch in each hand, and I forgot she wore braces. Connie thought it was hilariously funny. That’s probably why we were best friends. We didn’t notice the other’s handicaps. I don't pay attention to details and she has a strange sense of humor.
The only name I can recall from first grade at Pleasantville Elementary is David’s. I remember him because (1) he joined us mid-semester, (b) he was the cutest guy in the class, and (3) he had braces on both legs. The braces added an air of vulnerability that even six year old girls find attractive.
Because of the braces, David was unable to maneuver the steps into our cafeteria. This was long before the general conscious realized that making accommodations for those with special challenges is the right thing to do. But I digress (or as my friend, Michelle, would say, “You’re rambling again.”). To get back to my remembrance, because of those stairs the first graders took turns carrying a lunch tray back to David. My parents moved half way across the state just before it was my turn. I’m still ticked. My only chance to impress the cutest guy in class and they ruined it.
My new best friend in my new first grade was named Connie. That’s not actually germane to this story, but it’s another interesting coincidence I thought I’d throw in.
Several moves later and I ended up going to a new school for my last year of high school. I should have been really ticked at that, but the school before that was a real stinker so I was happy to leave. (“You’re rambling again.”) My best friend at my new school was also named Connie. She also had braces on her legs from polio. She had a beautiful singing voice and was in several choirs at school and church. The Ensemble Choir included only the school’s most talented female singers. (I am not rambling. That point is important to the story.)
Every day after lunch I helped Connie maneuver the stairs to get to the next class and the English instructor soon learned to accept that I would be a couple of minutes late. (Because of her gregarious personality and singing talent, everybody knew Connie and nobody ever questioned me when I’d say “I was helping Connie.”)
One Saturday when we were window shopping Connie stopped in front of a shoe store to point out the dress shoes that the girls in the Ensemble Choir wore, a cute black slip-on with a modest heel. I was puzzled, “You don’t have shoes like that?”
“No, I don’t”, she replied in a voice as puzzled as mine.
“But YOU don’t have shoes like that!” I was getting a little ticked. It wasn’t fair that those other girls had pretty shoes and Connie didn’t.
After a few minutes of this, Connie explained, “Martha, I can’t wear those shoes with braces.”
The light finally dawned, “Oh, I forgot you wore braces.”
Boy, did I feel stupid. She was standing beside me wearing two cumbersome leg braces and had a crutch in each hand, and I forgot she wore braces. Connie thought it was hilariously funny. That’s probably why we were best friends. We didn’t notice the other’s handicaps. I don't pay attention to details and she has a strange sense of humor.
Saturday, July 09, 2005
Book Sale - the short version
Barnes & Nobles is having an on-line book sale. For only $1.99 you can buy a book by Laura Lee titled Pocket Encyclopedia of Aggravation: 101 Things in Life That Annoy, Bother, Chafe, Disturb, Enervate, Frustrate, Grate, Harass, Irk, Jar, Miff, Nettle, Outrage, Peeve, Quash, Rile, Stress out, Trouble, Upset, Vex, Worry and X, Y, Z You! Does anyone really need a book to point out annoying things? Frankly, I have no problem finding more than enough daily irritants without any help at all. I certainly don’t need to look stuff up in a book to confirm that it’s irking me. And I’m certain that I could name at least 101 things by 9 AM on Monday morning.
To be fair to Ms. Lee, I haven’t read this book and it may actually be very helpful in focusing annoyance where it belongs, instead of just taking out frustrations willy-nilly on the first idiot that crosses your path every morning.
Not into reading? Rather watch a movie? You can’t go wrong spending your two dollars on How to Stuff a Wild Bikini, starring Annette Funicello and Frankie Avalon. The plot is silly and convoluted, but the music isn’t bad if you like 60’s rock (and who doesn’t, right?) Girls in bikinis, surfer boys flexing their muscles. There’s something for everyone.
A big spender? Here are some $3.99 companion buys for those who sprung for the Pocket Encyclopedia of Aggravation. Headache Relief – you may need this book if you find you are more annoyed than you thought. The Little Book of Voodoo by Voodoo Lou comes with its own Voodoo doll. Maybe you can learn to take care of some of those little annoyances – or at least get revenge. Not bad for $3.99.
To be fair to Ms. Lee, I haven’t read this book and it may actually be very helpful in focusing annoyance where it belongs, instead of just taking out frustrations willy-nilly on the first idiot that crosses your path every morning.
Not into reading? Rather watch a movie? You can’t go wrong spending your two dollars on How to Stuff a Wild Bikini, starring Annette Funicello and Frankie Avalon. The plot is silly and convoluted, but the music isn’t bad if you like 60’s rock (and who doesn’t, right?) Girls in bikinis, surfer boys flexing their muscles. There’s something for everyone.
A big spender? Here are some $3.99 companion buys for those who sprung for the Pocket Encyclopedia of Aggravation. Headache Relief – you may need this book if you find you are more annoyed than you thought. The Little Book of Voodoo by Voodoo Lou comes with its own Voodoo doll. Maybe you can learn to take care of some of those little annoyances – or at least get revenge. Not bad for $3.99.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Well, he has a nice personality
On my way home from work tonight, I saw a man walking a stout dog with legs about 3 inches long. The dog’s short little legs reminded me of the Ugly Brothers of Winter Haven, Florida.
Many years ago my sister and I would often take the family kids and dogs to a small park in
All three Ugly Brothers had broad shoulders with substantial bodies, but their short legs clashed with their athletic build. They were charming and happy-go-lucky and we looked forward to having them join our walks because they were much more obedient than any of the dogs (or kids) that we called ours.
Once at the park, kids and dogs would happily run around, checking in now and then to make sure we were still there, but immediately careening off again. If we yelled, “SIT!”, our own dogs (and kids) would ignore us, but the Ugly Brothers would immediately stop and actually sit down, waiting patiently for our next command. When it was time to go, the Brothers would follow us home, but only as far as their own block where they would politely leave us without any urging. I often thought it would be nice to swap, dog for dog, or kid for dog.
We often wondered about the Ugly Brothers heritage; they were an affable family and made good pets despite their slightly odd appearance. We enjoyed their company and assumed they liked us since it was their choice to join our walks. But we were always secretly afraid they were saying, “Hey, look who’s coming. It's the
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
I blame Bill - I blame Bill for everything
I just tried to access one of my email accounts, but it wouldn't let me in. It told me I needed to sign up and after numerous unsuccessful tries to sign in I tried to sign up, but it told me I couldn't sign up because I was already signed in. I thought this might be a sign I need to change email accounts.
Sometimes working with machines is very frustrating. There's nobody to yell at when things go wrong with my computer so I yell at Bill. I know he doesn't care. If he cared, I wouldn't have to mortgage the house to pay for old software.
But I like blaming him anyway. I like directing my witty/sarcastic/snotty remarks to a real face, instead of some unknown entity that cares even less than Bill.
So Bill - WHAT THE HASH E LUL SQUARED DID YOU DO TO MY EMAIL THIS TIME?
Sometimes working with machines is very frustrating. There's nobody to yell at when things go wrong with my computer so I yell at Bill. I know he doesn't care. If he cared, I wouldn't have to mortgage the house to pay for old software.
But I like blaming him anyway. I like directing my witty/sarcastic/snotty remarks to a real face, instead of some unknown entity that cares even less than Bill.
So Bill - WHAT THE HASH E LUL SQUARED DID YOU DO TO MY EMAIL THIS TIME?
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