Thursday, November 27, 2008

The Pumpkin

By J. G. Whittier

Ah! On Thanksgiving Day, when from East and from West,
From North and from South come the pilgrim and guest,
When the gray-haired New Englander sees round his board
The old broken links of affection restored,
When the care-wearied man seeks his mother once more,
And the worn matron smiles where the girl smiled before,
What moistens the lip, and what brightens the eye?
What calls back the past, like the rich pumpkin pie?

O, fruit loved of boyhood! the old days recalling;
When wood-grapes were purpling and brown nuts were falling!
When wild, ugly faces were carved in its skin,
Glaring out through the dark with a candle within!
When we laughed round the corn heap, with hearts all in tune,
Our chair a broad pumpkin, our lantern the moon,
Telling tales of the fairy who traveled like steam
In a pumpkin-shell coach, with two rats for her team!

Then, thanks for thy present! - none sweeter or better
E'er smoked from an oven or circled a platter!
Fairer hands never wrought at a pastry more fine,
Brighter eyes never watched o'er its baking than thine!
And the prayer, which my mouth is too full to express,
Swells my heart that thy shadow may never be less,
That the days of thy lot may be lengthened below,
And the fame of thy worth like a pumpkin-vine grow,
And thy life be as sweet, and its last sunset sky
Gold-tinted and fair as thine own pumpkin-pie!

Computer problems

I've been having a lot of problems with my computer at the Dumass company where I work. I'm using a spare computer till after Thanksgiving because dealing with the IT helpdesk is too stressful and I'll use any excuse to put it off.

I'm not sure what IT stands for. "Information Techology"? "IT's not my problem and I can't help you if you if I don't want to"?

We have two pages of "Help Desk" numbers to call for different things, but there's nothing that tells us who to call for what.

I'm not sure what "Help Desk" stands for. It's not "Call us if you need help". It might be "Call us for a headache".

I've lost a lot of respect for computer techs since I started working at the Dumass company.

Wednesday we had new software automatically installed on our computers.
  • Some of us got a notice that the computer would reboot in 30 minutes after the installation if we didn't reboot it ourselves.

  • Some of us probably got the same message but ignored it because we were so annoyed at having to work around the large popup box while the installation was in progress. But maybe not.

  • The clerk was in the middle of a 3 hour download when she got the message so she stopped the download and re-started the computer herself. Two minutes late the computer ignored her reboot and did it again.

  • One of the guys was 10 minutes into a demonstration by an external vendor when his computer rebooted itself and he missed a half hour of important training.

  • One of the girls said her computer restarted itself and she didn't know why till she talked to us.

  • My computer just went to a blank white screen and stayed that way for 5 - 10 minutes. I had no access to anything so I had no choice but to turn the computer off and re-start. The spare computer I'm using takes 40 - 60 minutes to start up and a half-hour after that our supervisor sent us home early.

One nice thing about the Dumass company - you get paid whether you work or not.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Our local TV news this morning had a guest extolling the virtues of being thankful. He reported that those who are most thankful will live longer, happier, and healthier lives.

I wonder if he considered that living longer, happier, and healthier might just go along with having a lot to be thankful for?

Frankly, I think the host and guest had been celebrating early as they were way too happy for 7:30 in the morning. I don't appreciate the sound of men giggling inanly annoying at any time of the day, but early in the morning is just plain irritating.

Yes, I'm a complainer. Just a grumpy old lady that can always find something to complain about no matter the occassion.

I didn't used to be that way. I was known for my even temperment, my polyanna attitude, my ability to see both sides of the moon.

What happened? Chicken squat, that's what. Too much crap. Instead of developing a higher crap tolerance as I grew older, I met the level of tolerance and can't stand anymore.

To get back to the virtues of being thankful. Just because I'm cranky doesn't mean that I'm not thankful.

  1. I'm thankful I have enough to eat. I just wish it didn't stay around so long. (You know - stay around my middle, my hips, my thighs.)

  2. I'm thankful I have a warm place to stay. I just wish it wasn't so little or so drafty or so messy.

  3. I'm thankful I have a job that pays my bills. Too bad it's with the Dumass company.


  4. I'm thankful I can still see to read. It would be nice to still be able to see to drive at night, but I'm old, I shouldn't be out at night anyway.

  5. I'm thankful I'm me. Other people are so annoying.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

It's Not Winter Yet So Quit Your Complaining

The sun is shining and shining brightly! That makes up for it being 14 degrees out there. I can say that since I'm in here with the furnace making it closer to 70 degrees. I'm not sure I'd feel that way if I had to walk further than from my front door to the car.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The Sun Shines East

The sun shines west,
But it's not shining here in the midwest.

I have had a sense of impending doom for the past two days. I don't know if it's my natural pessimistic disposition or a manifestation of SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder, from which I suffer every November.

Much like a hot-house flower, I need light and heat and both are in short supply in Indiana in November when I need them most. It has been rainy and/or cloudy for two weeks now. We had one brief shot of sunshine yesterday afternoon. Not a large enough dose to be an effective treatment for SAD.

The heating system in our office has not been working well and for most of November the temperature has hovered just below 70 degrees. That's only 1 or 2 degrees below comfortable, but enough to aggravate my disorder.

My father suffered from SAD too. He treated his condition by wearing long underwear.

I might give them a try. What do you think of this pair from Frank Dandy?

I think they could provide light and warmth.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Shopping around

There is a trend here in the mid-west to build "open air" shopping malls. The idea, as I understand it, is to build an area that resembles a little village, and they often come complete with hotels and condominiums and their own little suburb.

There have been three built in my area lately and I can't help but think, "Why?" This is the Midwest, where it's hot in the summer, cold in the winter, wont to rain or snow in either season, and the November and March winds whip under your heaviest coat to chill the marrow in your bones.

I went to the newest of these malls yesterday for the first time. I didn't appreciate its unique style.

In the first place it was built out in the country. I suppose land was cheaper there and as this is a rapidly growing area, it probable won't be in the country for long.

Once I found it (and that wasn't easy), I entered the center and drove around a little bit. The first thing I noticed was that there didn't seem to be a lot of traffic. Which was a good thing, because the streets were a little confusing. They weren't laid out in straight grids so I had to pay attention to where I was going, when I stopped and yielded, and watch the rest of the traffic while I scoping out the stores. It didn't help any that it was raining and gloomy.

I went down what I think was the the main street and around a traffic island (which this county will install anywhere - they even have one in the Lowes' parking lot). This led me to what may have been the main shopping area. It did resemble the main street of a thriving small town (minus the business offices). One could park on the street here, in front of the stores, head-in parking. There weren't many spaces available.

I drove down that street, turned left and saw a J C Penny store in the not-too-far distance, but some what off to itself. Before I got there, I meandered off in the other direction to see what else was around, and I found myself at a stop sign. If I turned right I would be at a stop light leaving the center. I tried to figure out if I could turn left onto the second lane or if it was a four lane street and I'd have to go to the third and fourth lanes over, but I was confused by a car in the third lane that was backing up. I looked around a little and when I looked back the car was going forward but in the same lane so I was even more confused. You'd have to see the street(s) to see my dilema - the lanes didn't exactly run parallel like most 4 lane roads. Eventually I went out at the stop light and came back in at the next one. It seemed safest. At least no one was backing up and turning around in the middle of the street.

I stopped at the Borders bookstore because there was more-or-less convenient parking there, and because I haven't been to the one near me since they moved it about a year ago and they've been sending me emails with the heading "We miss you!" (Honest, I'm not making that up.) It was a large bookstore, set up to maximize walking, full of artfully arranged displays and bookshelves that produced an over abundance of corners and curves. They had too many salespeople and not enough customers. Every time I turned a corner, someone would pop up and ask "May I help you find anything?" Frankly, it became as annoying as the emails. I got tired of them and of getting lost in the store so I left without buying anything. (Yes, I left a bookstore without buying a book.)

I walked down to the corner where the "village main street" was and tried to see if the other store I wanted to visit was close. The store signs were on the front of the stores so I couldn't see them. It was rainy and cold and I hadn't eaten breakfast and the whole thing had lost what little alure it had for an old lady. So I left.

I'm old enough to remember when covered shopping malls became poplular. In most small towns, shoppers deserted the downtown stores and embraced enclosed shopping areas that were air conditioned in summer, heated in winter and had plenty of parking (OK, except at Christmas). Where you could go in and out of more than a dozen shops without getting rained on or snowed on or assaulted by gale force winds.

Bottom line: The mall is new and different, it's probably attractive when it's not raining, but this old lady wasn't thrilled with it. If I want to hike, I'll go to the woods. If I want to be rained on - it won't be in November in the midwest.

Slate has an interesting article on these centers if you want a differnt perspective.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Veterans Day, 2008

Like many public television stations across the nation, our local PBS has been featuring shows about veterans this month. I find the stories unsettling, but I find myself watching them, fascinated by the individual stories of courage and sense of duty.

I don't have the words to give them the tribute they deserve, so this year I turn to their commander in chief.

A Proclamation by the President of the United States of America

On Veterans Day, we pay tribute to the service and sacrifice of the men and women who in defense of our freedom have bravely worn the uniform of the United States.

From the fields and forests of war-torn Europe to the jungles of Southeast Asia, from the deserts of Iraq to the mountains of Afghanistan, brave patriots have protected our Nation's ideals, rescued millions from tyranny, and helped spread freedom around the globe. America's veterans answered the call when asked to protect our Nation from some of the most brutal and ruthless tyrants, terrorists, and militaries the world has ever known. They stood tall in the face of grave danger and enabled our Nation to become the greatest force for freedom in human history. Members of the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, and Coast Guard have answered a high calling to serve and have helped secure America at every turn.

Our country is forever indebted to our veterans for their quiet courage and exemplary service. We also remember and honor those who laid down their lives in freedom's defense. These brave men and women made the ultimate sacrifice for our benefit. On Veterans Day, we remember these heroes for their valor, their loyalty, and their dedication. Their selfless sacrifices continue to inspire us today as we work to advance peace and extend freedom around the world.

With respect for and in recognition of the contributions our service members have made to the cause of peace and freedom around the world, the Congress has provided (5 U.S.C. 6103(a)) that November 11 of each year shall be set aside as a legal public holiday to honor America's veterans.
NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim November 11, 2008, as Veterans Day and urge all Americans to observe November 9 through November 15, 2008, as National Veterans Awareness Week. I encourage all Americans to recognize the bravery and sacrifice of our veterans through ceremonies and prayers. I call upon Federal, State, and local officials to display the flag of the United States and to support and participate in patriotic activities in their communities. I invite civic and fraternal organizations, places of worship, schools, businesses, unions, and the media to support this national observance with commemorative expressions and programs.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this thirty-first day of October, in the year of our Lord two thousand eight, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-third.

GEORGE W. BUSH

http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2008/10/20081031-1.html

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Did someone say "Fire"?

Did I tell you I work for the Dumass Company?

Somebody apparently complained about the lack of emergency preparedness in our office because last week, the receptionist sent out an evacuation map for fire drills and tornados.

As there is a exit door within one foot of our office door, I know where I'm going if there's a fire and if that exit is block we have windows on two sides of the office. I've been threatening to drop kick a computer out the window since I got there so it would be no problem "opening" a window to escape.

The problem lies with the tornado plan. It appears that we go through the wall just past the ladies' restroom or we go out the front door, I'm not sure which. Then we go down this hallway, turn left down that hallway, turn left down another hallway, turn right, cut through a wall, turn left, and that's where I get lost. If I get through the wall to the restroom, I think I'll just stay there. At least I know I'll have a place to sit.


We had a fire drill on Thursday - the first in 2 1/2 years, maybe the first ever. On Monday, we were told when the fire drill would be - day and hour. Some people were exempt from the fire drill. At least one man didn't know why he was on the exempt list but he wasn't stupid enough to ask questions.On Thursday, the receptionist sent out an email that said "This is a fire drill. Leave the building immediately." and some of the "fire marshalls" went around reminding people that there was a fire drill. As our office is next to the door we were the first ones out and could watch the other staff leaving. It was an orderly exit. Nobody had to yell, "Walk, Don't Run!"

Not that anybody walked. They ambled. They strolled. They took their own sweet time. I have never seen people leave a building so slowly.

As someone in the parking lot said to me, "That was the stupidest fire drill I ever saw."

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Time stops for me

You should know by now how I feel about daylight saving time. If not, let me just say that it's a waste of time.

Twice a year I have to go around setting clocks back and forth. It takes me about a week and some clocks never get changed. Then after I get the clocks set, the electricity goes out and I have to set all the electric clocks over again. Then we go through the whole routine 1 or 2 more times before time settles down for the winter.

This year was no different, I set the clocks back on Sunday and on Tuesday the electricity went off and I had to reset the time on 5 clocks.

Just like clock work.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Somebody call Houston

because I think this is going to take a rocket scientist.

Today I helped an IT guy set up our printer/faxer/scanner so that we could scan things and send them to our email securely. This was the second time we tried this. Now, let me say that everybody makes mistakes. It may seem like it, but I don't really expect other people to be as perfect as I am. I just like to complain about their foibles because it makes us look better.

Anyhoo, we had tried this before one day last week. The first time there were a half dozen people on the phone in at least 3 different states and I don't think they got anything done. They were concentrating on a printer at another site and I was just wasting my time so I didn't pay a lot of attention. So maybe they got that one to work.

Anyhoo, "we" didn't get our printer set up at that meeting so 2 of the guys were going to contact me immediately after the call to try it again, but they didn't bother to ask me if I was available and I had back to back to back meetings so they had to reschedule.

Anyhoo, today was the day. I let the IT guy take over my computer remotely (he's in another state) so he could do everything because you know that all IT guys think that "normal people" are too stupid to turn on a computer without their help. At one point he said "I'm setting this up using the information in the configuration report you faxed to me yesterday." (And I had faxed him the report yesterday.)

Well, anyhoo, not only was he not able to get the scanner set up correctly he screwed up the printer so we could no longer use it to print either.

I sent him an email to let him know and I got this reply "Please fax me the configuration sheet you sent yesterday because I never got it. I don't know what happened to it."


I don't know about you, but I think I've located the problem. And it ain't me.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

Spring ahead, Fall back

A few days ago, when my cold was beginning to wane, I was lying in bed contemplating not going to work. When I decided I wasn't that sick and it was time to get up, I rolled over on to my left side, gave myself a push with my right arm, and sprang out of bed, all in one fluid and graceful motion.

"Not bad for a 60 year old lady," I bragged to myself. (I also lied about my age to myself.)

Later that day, two of my coworkers - one in her 40's, one in her 30's - were complaining about how they had to stretch to get out of bed, and how they stretched the wrong way and their back hurt, and whine, whine, whine.

I thought about regaling them with my morning adventure of getting out of bed, but I refrained. I'm sympathetic and agile.

Saturday, November 01, 2008

November 1

It's the first day of November. I have to remember to do two things today.

  1. Set my clocks back one hour. - As you may know, I don't like "daylight saving time" (DST). It messes with my internal clock and the extra week they added this year has only made it worse. Just a warning: I'll be crankier than usual for the next month or two.
  2. Get to the store before all the after-Halloween candy sales are over. - I need the chocolate. See # 1 above.

I still have a cold. I don't even have the energy to make fun of DST. But while I'm on the topic, who was the fool that thought adding an extra week in the fall was a good idea?