Do you have any questions?

Sometimes when people tell me there are no stupid questions, I want to retort, "You haven't heard them all", but that seems rude. I know what to say now as I recently heard an appropriate quote : "There are no stupid questions, only stupid people."

Of course, I know that reply is even ruder, but, really, some questions!

Sometimes a question will be perfectly reasonable if asked by one person but completely asinine from another. For example: A college-educated adult once asked me if she took an aspirin for a pain in her big toe, how did it know she wasn't taking it for a headache. Honestly, I wouldn't have laughed so hard if that question had come from a 6 year old.

I can usually recognize when I'm asking a stupid question and sometimes I ask them on purpose because they are so dumb and I'm trying to be funny or sarcastic, but too often nobody realizes that but me. Sometimes, a person will keep trying to explain "it" to me even after I tell them, several times, that I knew the answer before I asked the question and was just asking to (1)be silly, (2)validate my opinion, or (3)whatever. Do they think I really am that stupid? (and don't say "Now that is a stupid question!")

Sometimes it's just a simple question and the responder has to eagerly give me a long-winded reply, explaining every little detail, when the question itself reveals that I'm not entirely clueless about the subject. A simplified example: like I ask somebody standing next to the window, "Is the sky blue?" and the answerer has to go on and on and on telling me what a sky is and what colors are and about different shades of blue. All, I needed was "yes" or "no", but I never do get an actual answer to the question so I have to go to the window and find out for myself.

Or when I ask an either-or question, and get yes or no for a response. If I ask if you want to go to Joe's Java Joint or to Pam's Pancake Place for breakfast, don't answer "Yes". You're just trying to start an argument.

Here's some other good advice:

1. If your co-worker asks, "Can I ask a stupid question?", it's rude to respond,"Yes, you certainly can and frequently do."
2. Just say No. If your girlfriend says, "Do these jeans make me look fat?", never answer, "No, you've packed on some extra pounds lately and it looks like they settled around your hips."
3. If a cop pulls you over and asks,"Did you realize you were going 70 miles an hour back there?", don't answer,"Really? I thought I was going 80."
4. If your mother asks, "Who ate the chocolate cake?", don't answer,"Not me." when your mouth is full.
5. If you're having a discussion with your boss and he asks "Do I look that stupid to you?", don't answer.