Who needs instructions?

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I spent a lot of time schlepping books from one place to another in my apartment last week. After lifting several armloads of books and even boxes full of books without collapsing, I began to think I was in much better shape than I imagined. Oh, yeah, for an old lady, I’m bad.

Then I met my comeuppance in an easy, simple, just snap it together, plastic shelving unit. It was so simple I didn't need instructions.

I put a leg in the bottom shelf. It fell over. I took the leg out and tried it upside down. It fell out. I moved the shelf to the floor and tried it again. That worked.

I quickly added the other three legs and topped them with another shelf. I put one leg on the second shelf. It all fell at my feet with three legs rolling just out of reach. I put it together again, using more pressure, and adding torque.

I got all four legs on the second shelf and crowned them with a third shelf. I looked down. The legs in the middle were emulating the Tower of Pisa. I straightened them up and half fell out, one rolled out of sight, one bounced into the next room, the others wavered on the edge.

By this time, I was beginning to work up a sweat and breathe heavily. Desperate, I looked at the pictures on the box, searching for directions. I read the part about being simple and easy to assemble again. It said "Instructions provided." I did everything but crawl into the box and still haven't found any instructions.

I started over, adding more force, more torque, and more swear words, not really caring if the whole thing snapped in to little, tiny, plastic pieces instead of together. I chased it across the floor and around two rooms, but I eventually triumphed. Oh, yeah, for an old lady, I’m bad.

It was straight - up, down, and across. I added the last shelf. A leg fell off. I swore and wiped the sweat from my eyes before I replaced it, firmly.

Done. I carefully maneuvered it into place in the closet. Two legs fell off. I replaced them and two more fell off on the other side.

I sobbed as I reset the legs. Did I hear them laughing maliciously or was that just a roaring in my ears as my blood pressure rose? I sat down and had a glass of ice tea, trying to remember why I don’t drink.

Wiping the tears from my eyes, I tackled the project again. It’s too traumatic to recall the details of the fight that ensued, but let me just say, that pile of crap is now in the closet holding my towels. Who’s laughing now, plastic boy?

Oh, yeah, for an old lady, I’m way bad.