When You Gotta Go ...

I grew up in southern Indiana, the most picturesque part of Indiana. It was a rural area dotted with small farms, rolling hills, and bucolic scenes. Telephone wires didn't reach many areas of the county until well into the 1960's. Neither did indoor plumbing.

Although we had a bathroom inside the house, we also had an outhouse as did many of our neighbors and relatives so I'm well acquainted with their form and function. Simple outhouses had one hole, but others had more. This might just be two regular size holes, but often there was a large hole for adults and a smaller one for children. Some privies had three or even four seats. (When you have a large family with lots of kids, you need more than one seat.) If you hear an old-timer (like me) ask if a public restroom is a "two holer", the question refers to the number of stalls, but it is derived from a two-holed outhouse.

My friend, Rita, lived on a farm with her parents, three siblings, and one or two grandparents. They did not have indoor plumbing, except for the sink in the kitchen. They did have a multi-holer out back. Rita told me the following secret when we were in eighth grade together. I haven't seen her since we graduated from Memphis Elemenatry and I'm trusting she never learns that I have repeated it to you.

One day Rita had to go really badly, the dance around on one leg, am-I-going-to make-it-in-time panic, badly. She ran to the outhouse, pulled down her pants, and, with a sigh of relief, plopped down on the first seat she could find. Then she heard her father, from the other hole, ask, "In a hurry?"