Traveling

I’m taking a trip tomorrow – business, not pleasure. I don’t take many trips for pleasure anymore. Traveling lost its allure when the price of gas increased and the size of airline seats decreased. Coincidently, this happened about the same time my own seat width increased. Now I just stay at home and complain I never go anywhere anymore.

I have never been fond of airplane travel. The airports are too demanding. Go here to embark, go there to disembark. Put your luggage here, but don’t put it anywhere if it’s bigger than this. Let me see what’s in that bag before we leave. Sit in that seat. No, not that one! Fasten your seat belt. Sit up straight. It’s like traveling with your parents.

And besides, they won’t let me drive.

It takes forever. I know technically it doesn’t take as long as driving, but if you get tired of driving you just stop and do something else. Unless you’re traveling with men, then it’s a whole other story. Men don’t seem to understand the concept of “Stop the car, I want to see that museum.” “Stop the car, it’s making a funny noise.” “Stop the car, I have to pee. Yes, I know I had to pee this morning, but I have to pee again this afternoon. And no, I won’t try to hit that soda can while traveling at 80 miles an hour. Just stop this *&^% car! You know I didn't mean here. I'm not going to squat beside the car on the Interstate.”

And besides, they won’t let me drive.

I know I’m generalizing. Some men will let you drive.

My sister won’t. Unless she thinks there’s a speed trap ahead - then it's my turn at the wheel. Don’t ask me how she knows – if I could figure it out, I’d be selling it on eBay.

If you don't mind an old lady giving advice: As you travel through life, stop and pee when you see a restroom. You never know when you'll get another chance.