Two to go, please.

I have some time to kill before I can go to work so here is a bonus post today. (I lifted these from the Suddenly Senior's web page. http://www.suddenlysenior.com).

Here's one for the guys.

TRULY AMAZING

It was entertainment night at the senior center and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.

As Claude went to the front of the meeting room,he announced, "Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations." He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

"Crap!" said the Hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean up the senior center.


And one for the ladies. (This one was also purloined from Suddenly Senior for your amusement.)

GOOD IDEA

When Sarah's husband died, he left his entire life's savings of $30,000 to his wife. After everything was done at the funeral home and cemetery, Sarah told Gert, her closest friend, that the $30,000 was all gone.

Gert said, "How can that be?"

Sarah explained, "Well, the funeral cost me $6,500. And of course I made a donation to the church. That was $500, and I spent another $500 for the wake, food ad drinks, you know. The rest went for the memorial stone."

Gert gasped, "$22,500 for the memorial stone? My God, how big is it?"

Sarah replied, "Three carats."