Eleven Eleven

Did you know there are more than 25 million living veterans in America today?

I'm off work today in honor of Veterans Day which is November 11th. It's the first time in my long working career that I have been employed by a company that officially observes this holiday.

In case you're wondering about the difference between Memorial Day and Veterans Day, I did a little research. Memorial day was established to honor servicemembers who died in service to their country or as a result of injuries incurred during battle. Veterans Day is for the men and women who served in the military during war or peace.

Denise's children are having special programs at school for Veteran's Day. I couldn't remember any such programs when I was in school and neither did Denise or Stephanie who are much younger than I am (and, therefore, would have gone to school in a different era.)

Maybe I never celebrated it because the teacher I had for 5 of the 8 years I attended elementary school mostly celebrated Irish holidays. Or because it didn't become a Federal holiday until 1968. But probably it was because it wasn't until 2001 that United States Senate Resolution 143 designated "National Veterans Awareness Week" as an opportunity for schools to educate students about the contributions and sacrifices of veterans.


So this is for all the men and women who served our country honorably during wars, conflicts, political unrests, national disasters, and blessed peace.

May God always hold you close to his heart.

Bad jokes

A hamburger walks into a bar, and the bartender says....We don't serve food here!

A guy walks into a doctors office with a carrot in his ear and a piece of celery up his nose.....The doctor said "I can tell you right now, you're not eating right!"

There was a man who got into a car accident.He was soon rushed to the hospital. The left side of his body was completely paralyzed.... The doctor said, "He's going to be all right."

How do you keep a fool in suspense?

Do you have any questions?

Sometimes when people tell me there are no stupid questions, I want to retort, "You haven't heard them all", but that seems rude. I know what to say now as I recently heard an appropriate quote : "There are no stupid questions, only stupid people."

Of course, I know that reply is even ruder, but, really, some questions!

Sometimes a question will be perfectly reasonable if asked by one person but completely asinine from another. For example: A college-educated adult once asked me if she took an aspirin for a pain in her big toe, how did it know she wasn't taking it for a headache. Honestly, I wouldn't have laughed so hard if that question had come from a 6 year old.

I can usually recognize when I'm asking a stupid question and sometimes I ask them on purpose because they are so dumb and I'm trying to be funny or sarcastic, but too often nobody realizes that but me. Sometimes, a person will keep trying to explain "it" to me even after I tell them, several times, that I knew the answer before I asked the question and was just asking to (1)be silly, (2)validate my opinion, or (3)whatever. Do they think I really am that stupid? (and don't say "Now that is a stupid question!")

Sometimes it's just a simple question and the responder has to eagerly give me a long-winded reply, explaining every little detail, when the question itself reveals that I'm not entirely clueless about the subject. A simplified example: like I ask somebody standing next to the window, "Is the sky blue?" and the answerer has to go on and on and on telling me what a sky is and what colors are and about different shades of blue. All, I needed was "yes" or "no", but I never do get an actual answer to the question so I have to go to the window and find out for myself.

Or when I ask an either-or question, and get yes or no for a response. If I ask if you want to go to Joe's Java Joint or to Pam's Pancake Place for breakfast, don't answer "Yes". You're just trying to start an argument.

Here's some other good advice:

1. If your co-worker asks, "Can I ask a stupid question?", it's rude to respond,"Yes, you certainly can and frequently do."
2. Just say No. If your girlfriend says, "Do these jeans make me look fat?", never answer, "No, you've packed on some extra pounds lately and it looks like they settled around your hips."
3. If a cop pulls you over and asks,"Did you realize you were going 70 miles an hour back there?", don't answer,"Really? I thought I was going 80."
4. If your mother asks, "Who ate the chocolate cake?", don't answer,"Not me." when your mouth is full.
5. If you're having a discussion with your boss and he asks "Do I look that stupid to you?", don't answer.

Good advice

I'm currently taking another law course and found this advice from an experienced lawyer about how to behave during a trial, whether you're the lawyer, defendent, or witness. It's good advice for everyone all the time: "Always be yourself… Unless you're an obnoxious jerk, then be someone else."

It's time

Two days into normal time and my body is beginning to feel better already, but it hasn't quite got the hang of it yet. I fall asleep watching TV because it's past my bedtime by the perverted time, and I wake up an hour early.

So here I sit, all dressed up and no place to go.

I have to go be at a conference around 8, 8:30 this morning, but it's too early to leave yet. I could leave now and sit in the lobby of the hotel for half an hour. Maybe practice "casing the joint".

It's gonna be a long, long day.