Fi Fi Fo Fum, I smell ........

I smell chocolate chip cookies.

Unfortunately, there aren't any fresh baked chocolate chip cookies around. It's just my imagination, the little people inside my head, haunting memories or spirits.

I have occasional olfactory hallucinations, which are known in the medical field as phantosmia. Which are known in my world as 'that crazy old lady and her weird symptoms" syndrome.

Sometimes I smell something baking, like the chocolate chip cookies. Sometimes I recognize scents that used to radiate from my grandmother's kitchen or from my mother's oven. When the wind is right, I can even taste the source of those scents. I can gain weight from just the memory of those delicious aromas.

Sometimes I smell my grandmother's face powder and then I can see her reaching up to the top of the refrigerator to get her makeup. She kept it there because the mirror was in the kitchen, a left-over custom from the old days. I would perch on the red stool and watch her "put on her face" for church or a trip to town.

I occasionally smell a man's cologne when there are no males nearby. It's always the same scent so I know it's the same man, but not who. Someday maybe I'll find him. Or at least the cologne.

Until then, I think I'll go beat up a batch of chocolate chip cookies - the kind with peanut butter and oatmeal. The kind you can actually eat.

September

It's September all ready. Time really does fly when you get old and have less of it.

I usually like September. It's not too hot, not too cold. Traces of summer remain, unmarred by hints of the winter that is lurking under the calendar pages.

Last year, mind you, we had more 90 degree days in September than we did in the entire preceeding summer months. That's Indiana for you. We take pride in being contrary.

I heard the Indiana tourism community is looking for a new state motto. We've had several in the past: The Crossroads of America, Wander Indiana, The Hoosier State, Restart Your Engines, Enjoy Indiana. I think Indiana: We Take Pride in Being Contrary says a lot about the people, the weather, the culture in my home state.

Not in a dis-agree-able way, but in an interesting way. For example, we could discuss the contrary topology of Indiana. I'd say we have a great lake to the north and mountain foothills in the south, but somebody would counter with "the most you can call those are toehills". And just to be contrary, a third party would pipe up "they're just hills. Why do you always have to make a mountain out of a molehill?"

And a lively debate would follow. Probably for years.

Too Much Information

I finished watching season one of She Spies last weekend. The last few episodes were so in-your-face ridiculous that I laughed out loud. Now I need season two but they haven't released it yet and have no plans to do so. The spy handler in season two was much easier on the eyes to an old lady like me. He wasn't as funny as Jack from season one, but you can't have everything.

Would that be spy handler or spy wrangler? How would that look on your resume?

I made a shopping list yesterday morning before I went to Target. All I had on it was laxative and toilet paper. That struck me as really funny. Sensible, but funny.

I had a stopped-up drain that neither the plunger or a plunger-in-a-jar (ie, chemical drain cleaner) didn't make a dent in. While grocery shopping yesterday I found this long skinny plastic rod for $3 or $4 that promised to unclog my drain without nasty chemicals. It actually worked. It pulled back a hairball half the size of Cleveland. I swear I don't know why I'm not bald, losing that much hair. In the old days, I would have used a wire coat hanger (cost: free), but I don't have any. They're one of those things from the good-ol'-days, I guess.

I'm having chicken and noodles for Sunday dinner.

Sadie get your gun and bar the door!

Yesterday I came home from work just like I do 5 days of the week. As I was opening the door to my humble abode I could hear children laughing, but I couldn't see them because my front door faces away from the sidewalk. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a child run past me and as I turned to see what she was up to I felt a cold shiver run up my left side. There was no child there. No place for a child to hide. No way to escape unseen.

I shoved the door open and rushed inside.

Of course, if it was a spirit child I was in no way safer inside than out.

But if it wasn't, at least my neighbors couldn't see me scolding an invisible child.

Knock 3 times

Remember that old song "Knock 3 times on the ceiling if you want me"?

This morning I had to knock 3 times on the ceiling, but it wasn't because I wanted anybody. I just wanted the idiot upstairs to have a little common sense and respect for his neighbors.

At 5 o'clock, 5 A M on a Saturday morning mind you, the idiot started exercising or something. I don't really know what he/she is doing up there but I assume it's either jumping rope or some kind of exercise equipment. What ever, it sounds like it's coming through the ceiling. He/she frequently exercises on Saturday or Sunday morning and I usually ignore it or leave for a while. I try to be tolerant of my neighbors, even the weirdo's. Maybe especially the weirdo's.

But 5 o'clock on Saturday morning? Pul-leaze!

I tried to ignore it this morning but I couldn't get back to sleep so at 6 I got up and wandered into the living room. Then I could hear not just the exercising but the stereo. My eyes were half shut and I hadn't bothered to turn on any lights, but I found the broom and pounded on the ceiling 3 times. Instantly all the noise stopped. Now you know your neighbor knows he/she is in the wrong when it only takes 3 knocks to produce complete silence.

I don't know how she/he managed to stop what ever was making that noise and simultaneously turn off the stereo. I guess the exercise is paying off in speed and quick reflexes.